ing of a house a brick slipped unnoticed from a
hod and fell into its correct position, with the result that the
accountant employed by the bricklayers could not balance his books at
the end of the day.

* * *

"As science measures time," declares an eminent geologist, "the Garden
of Eden was a thing of yesterday." All we can say is, "Where was
Councillor CLARK yesterday?"

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Special Correspondent._ "WHEN THEY RELEASED ME THEY
SAID THAT IF I SHOWED MY FACE IN IRELAND AGAIN I SHOULD BE SHOT."

_Editor._ "I'LL LET THESE SINN FEINERS SEE THAT I'M NOT TO BE
INTIMIDATED. YOU'LL GO BACK BY THE NEXT TRAIN."]

* * * * *

"POLES OVER THE LINE."

_Evening Paper._

So _that_ accounts for the weather.

* * * * *

"Whatever other defects may be alleged against the scarlet
uniform, it certainly makes for two things--discipline and
smartness--and these two are very important factors in
discipline."

_"Civil and Military Gazette," Lahore._

Especially the former.

* * * * *

"During the night, she [Mrs. Hamilton, the Channel swimmer] said,
'I occasionally took hot drinks and ate cold roast chicken, the
small bones of which I kept chewing, as it seemed to assist
me....'

A strict vegetarian, Mrs. Hamilton will sometimes swim five miles
before dinner, and skips for a few minutes every day."

_Scotch Paper._

She should skip the chicken if she wants us to be excited about her
strict vegetarianism.

* * * * *

DOGGEREL.

TO THE PRIME MINISTER'S ST. BERNARD PUP.

Ere your native country figured as the home of winter sport,
Paradise of spies and agents, and for kings a last resort;
Ere the hospitable chamois lent his haunts to Bolsh and Hun
Or the queue of rash toboggans took the curve of Cresta Run;

Long before a locomotive climbed the Rigi, cog by cog,
Fame had mentioned your forefathers--such a noble breed of dog,
How they tracked the lonely traveller with their nimble, sleuthy snouts,
Till beneath a billowy snowdrift they remarked his whereabouts.

How they dug him out of cold-store like a Canterbury sheep,
Took their tongues and kindly licked him where his nose
had gone to sleep,
Called attention to the cognac which they wore in