tle share in these competitions, and we should depend for
local interest mainly upon the promising young colts from the Kentish
nurseries. But we could find out from our dealers where our coals
came from and follow from afar the fortunes of our adopted teams; and
Cabinet Ministers, at any rate, could distribute their patronage and
their presence with tact over the various areas involved.

MR. BALFOUR HEWS OFF AT
DURHAM

is another headline which seems to suggest itself, and I should
strongly urge the PRIME MINISTER, who has returned, I hear, with a St.
Bernard from the Alps, to lose no time in selecting a more appropriate
playmate.

PREMIER AT TONYPANDY.
MR. LLOYD GEORGE PATS PET
PIT-PONY

is the kind of thing I mean, and very hard also to say six times
quickly without making a mistake.

Obviously the result of all this would be that not only would the
miners be justified in asking for more money, but that the country
would be able to afford it; and similar competitive leagues, to
supersede trade unions, would soon be formed by other trades. One
seems to hear faintly the loud plaudits of the onlookers as two crack
teams of West-end road-menders step smartly into the arena....

EVOE.

* * * * *

=Our Bolshevik Colonies.=

"Married Shepherd, used hilly country and all farm and station
work, desires Situation; wife would cook one or two men."

"_The Press," Christchurch, N.Z._

"Miss ----, a soubrette, whose songs lean towards the voluptuous,
sank 'Somebody's Baby.' Her encore number, 'You'd be Surprised,'
was even more so."

"_The Dominion," Wellington, N.Z._

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Woodland Sprite (from Stepney, to eminent botanist)._
"PLEASE, MISTER, MAGGIE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT YOU CHARGE FOR TAKING
TWINS?"]

* * * * *

THE PASSING OF THE CRADLE.

[According to a report which recently appeared in a daily paper,
cradles for infants are becoming a thing of the past.]

Snug retreat for mother's treasure,
Shall I pine as I repeat
Rumour's strange report, which says you're
Virtually obsolete?
Shall these lips a doleful lyric
Proffer at your ghostly bier,
Or compose a panegyric
Moistened with a minstrel's tear?

Me the theme leaves too unshaken,
Though "some" father more or less;
Better 'twere if undertaken
By my wife (a poe