were sects of philosophy, before thou wert born.

MEN. Appetitus, thou mistakest me. I tell thee, three thousand years ago
was Mendacio born in Greece,[210] nursed in Crete, and ever since
honoured everywhere. I'll be sworn I held old Homer's pen, when he writ
his Iliads and his Odysseys.

APP. Thou hadst need, for I hear say he was blind.

MEN. I helped Herodotus to pen some part of his "Muses";[211] lent Pliny
ink to write his history; rounded Rabelais in the ear,[212] when he
historified Pantagruel: as for Lucian, I was his genius. O, those two
books "De Vera Historia," howsoever they go under his name, I'll be
sworn I writ them every tittle.

APP. Sure as I am hungry, thou'st have it for lying. But hast thou
rusted this latter time for want of exercise?

MEN. Nothing less. I must confess I would fain have jogged Stow and
great Hollingshed on their elbows, when they were about their
chronicles; and, as I remember, Sir John Mandeville's "Travels" and a
great part of the "Decads"[213] were of my doing. But for the "Mirror of
Knighthood," "Bevis of Southampton," "Palmerin of England," "Amadis of
Gaul," "Huon de Bordeaux," "Sir Guy of Warwick," "Martin Marprelate,"
"Robin Hood," "Garragantua," "Gerileon," and a thousand such exquisite
monuments as these, no doubt but they breathe in my breath up and down.

APP. Downwards, I'll swear, for there's stinking lies in them.

MEN. But what, should I light a candle to the bright sunshine of my
glorious renown? The whole world is full of Mendacio's fame.

APP. And so it will be so long as the world is full of fame.

MEN. But, sirrah, how hast thou done this long time?

APP. In as much request as thyself. To begin with the court, as thou
didst: I lie with the ladies all night, and that's the reason they call
for cullies and gruellies so early before their prayers. Your gallants
never sup, breakfast, or bever[214] without me.

MEN. That's false, for I have seen them eat with a full stomach.

APP. True, but because they know a little thing drives me from them,
therefore in midst of meat they present me with some sharp sauce or a
dish of delicate anchovies, or a caviare,[215] to entice me back again.
Nay, more: your old sires, that hardly go without a prop, will walk a
mile or two every day to renew their acquaintance with me. As for the
academy, it is beholding to me for adding the eighth province unto the
noble Heptarchy of the liberal sciences.[216]

MEN. What's tha