rdness of some of our leading actors and actresses on
similar lines:--

Sir GEORGE ALEXANDER, dolicocephalic, fimbriated and supra-lapsarian,
interpreted the _role_ of the archdeacon with consummate skill.

Sir HERBERT BEERBOHM TREE, goliardic, tarantulated and pontostomatous,
invested the character of the great financier with a fluorescent charm.

Mr. AINLEY, prognathous, salicylic and partially oxydised, made a superb
lover.

Miss GLADYS COOPER, lambent, pyramidal and turturine, fully realized the
polyphonic cajoleries of _Seraphina_.

* * * * *

A Coincidence.

_Thursday._--The Kaiser distributes 30,000 iron crosses.

_Friday._--Great Britain declares pig-iron contraband of war.

* * * * *

"Members of the Tooloona Rifle Club have collected 1,000 fat sheep
as a gift to the British troops. The price of butter has been
reduced to L4 per ton, and the wheels of the export trade will be
immediately set in motion."

_Daily Chronicle._

How fortunate that the price of lubrication fell just in time.

* * * * *

ANOTHER "SCRAP OF PAPER."

[_"The Times" of October 1st vouches for the following Army Order
issued by the German KAISER on August 19th: "It is my Royal and
Imperial Command that you concentrate your energies, for the
immediate present, upon one single purpose, and that is that you
address all your skill and all the valour of my soldiers to
exterminate first the treacherous English and walk over General
French's contemptible little Army."_]

WILHELM, I do not know your whereabouts.
The gods elude us. When we would detect your
Earthly address, 'tis veiled in misty doubts
Of devious conjecture.

At Nancy, in a moist trench, I am told
That you performed an unrehearsed lustration;
That there you linger, having caught a cold,
Followed by inflammation.

Others assert that your asbestos hut,
Conveyed (with you inside) to Polish regions,
Promises to afford a likely butt
To Russia's winged legions.

But, whether this or that (or both) be true,
Or merely tales of which we have the air full,
In any case I say, "O WILHELM, do,
Do, if you can, be careful!"

For if, by evil chance, upon your head,
Your precious head, some impious shell alighted,
I should regard my dearest hopes as dead,