* * *

It has been decided, after all, that SHAKSPEARE may be played in
Germany; and the proposal that the name of the bard should be changed to
Wilhelm Saebelschuettler has been dropped in deference to the wishes of
the KAISER, who thought it might lead to confusion.

* * *

It has, we are glad to see, been denied that CARPENTIER, the famous
boxer, has been wounded. This reminds us, by-the-by, of one more
miscalculation that the German War Party made. In choosing their date
for the outbreak of war they relied on the fact that CARPENTIER was not
yet liable for service.

* * *

The Germans have had a bright new idea, and are calling us a nation of
shopkeepers. Certainly we have been fairly successful so far in
repelling their counter attacks.

* * *

"GERMAN PIES SHOT." _Times._

Sound policy this. The enemy cannot fight without his commissariat.

* * *

A well-known Floor Polish firm has issued a notice declaring that it is
entirely a British concern. However, we shall not complain of their
dealing with an alien enemy if they care to supply a little of it for
the benefit of German manners.

* * *

Dr. KARL VOLLMOeLLER, who is chiefly notable for his spectacle "The
Miracle," has, _The Express_ tells us, been acting for the past month as
Germany's head Press agent in Rome, and has now sailed for New York. One
would have thought that there was greater need for him in Germany, where
only a miracle can save the situation.

* * *

Publishers seem to be realising that books, to sell nowadays, must have
warlike titles. Mrs. KATE DOUGLAS WIGGIN'S new volume is, we note,
called _A Summer in a Canon_.

* * *

By the way, _The Price of Love_ is announced. It is six shillings.

* * * * *

Illustration: Hawker. "THIS AIN'T MY USUAL WAY O' GITTIN' A LIVIN',
LIDY; BUT, OWIN' TO THE WAR, I----"

_Housekeeper._ "THAT'S ALL NONSENSE! WHY, TO MY KNOWLEDGE YOU HAVE BEEN
ABOUT FOR THE PAST TEN YEARS."

Hawker. "YOU'LL PARDON ME, LIDY, BUT I'M REFERRIN' TO THE SOUF AFRIKIN
WAR."

* * * * *

EPITHETS FOR ACTORS.

The dramatic critic of _The Daily Chronicle_, speaking of the first
performance of _Mameena_, observes, "Mr. Oscar Asche, jutting,
preponderant and softly corrugated, was a splendid Zulu chief."

Following this distinguished example, we have endeavoured to express the
histrionic inwa