My occupation blighted.

I want to save you for another scene,
Having perused a certain Manifesto
That stimulates an itching, very keen,
In every Briton's best toe--

An Order issued to your Army's flower,
Giving instructions most precise and stringent
For the immediate wiping out of our
"Contemptible" contingent.

Well, that's a reason why I'd see you spared;
So take no risks, but rather heed my warning,
Because I have a little plan prepared
For Potsdam, one fine morning.

I see you, ringed about with conquering foes--
See you, in penitential robe (with taper),
Invited to assume a bending pose
And eat that scrap of paper!

O. S.

* * * * *

UNWRITTEN LETTERS TO THE KAISER.

No. III.

(_From the EMPEROR-KING OF AUSTRIA-HUNGARY._)

MY VERY DEAR BROTHER AND BEST FRIEND,--I seize a few moments of leisure
to write and congratulate you, as I congratulate myself, on this
constant succession of almost incredible victories that have brought new
laurels to your arms. Your presence in Paris at the head of the splendid
troops whom you have conducted from triumph to triumph places the
coping-stone on your life's work. Oh, that it had been possible for your
dear old grandfather--I did not always value him as he deserved--to have
lived to see this glory. But, then, I suppose your part in the work
would have been less brilliant and prominent, so, perhaps, all is for
the best as it is.

To have captured the whole French army; to have driven the English army
into the sea and drowned them in what they call their own element (by
the way, when are you going to make your triumphal entry into London?);
to have brought the ungrateful Belgians to recognise you not merely as
their conqueror but also as their benefactor--all this is really almost
enough of honour for one man. But in addition you have made the plans
which have kept so many of the disgraceful Russians cooped up in their
own country, and you will soon, I am sure, lead your troops to Moscow
and on to Petersburg. My own brave fellows shall march shoulder to
shoulder with them. Nothing will be impossible to these armies thus
united and thus led.

What my noble soldiers have hitherto done has been tremendous and
overwhelming. You have, of course, read the bulletins issued by our War
Office. These, however, give an inadequate idea of what has taken place