heard that a large number of Russians are approaching
Vienna. No doubt they are sent to sue for peace.

* * * * *

How to be Useful in War Time.

"The usefulness of the map is increased by its giving weights in
metres."--_Morning Post._

* * * * *

Illustration: THE INCORRIGIBLES.

_New Arrival at the Front._ "WHAT'S THE PROGRAMME?"

_Old Hand._ "WELL, YOU LAY DOWN IN THIS WATER, AND YOU GET PEPPERED ALL
DAY AND NIGHT, AND YOU HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE!"

_New Arrival._ "SOUNDS LIKE A BIT OF ALL RIGHT. I'M ON IT!"

* * * * *

Illustration: _Very proper Cook_ (_horrified at reports of German
atrocities_). "REALLY, MUM, IT SEEMS AS IF THE GERMANS ARE NOT AT ALL
THE THING."

* * * * *

THE LAST LINE.

II.

I HAVE said that our motto is "Soldier and Civilian Too." That is our
strength and our weakness; our weakness because it leaves us a little
uncertain as to how we stand in matters of discipline.

I happened to be Corporal of the Guard the other evening--a delightful
position. For the first time I had a little authority. True I sometimes
give the man next to me a prod in the wind and whisper, "Form fours,
idiot," but it is an unofficial prod, designed to save him from the
official fury. Now for the first time I was in power, with the whole
strength of military law behind me. So of course I got busy. As soon as
the first guard had been set, and the rest of them, with their
distinguished corporal and commonplace sergeant, were in the guard tent,
I let myself go.

"Now then, my lad," I said to one, "look alive. Just clear this tent a
bit, and then fetch some straw for my bed to-night. When you've done
that, I'll think of something else for you. We've all got to work these
days. Bustle up."

Without looking up from the paper he was straining his eyes to read, he
murmured lazily, "Oh, go and boil your head," and bent still lower over
the news. The others sniggered.

For a moment I was taken aback. Then I saw that there was only one
dignified thing to do. I went out and consulted my solicitor.

"James," I said, as soon as I had found him, "I desire your advice.
Free," I added as an afterthought.

"Go on," said James, sitting up and putting the tips of his fingers
together.

"It is like this. I am Corporal of the Guard." James looked impressed.
"Corporal of the Guard,"