d the beef.' The military authorities
pressed the case."

_Liverpool Echo._

A case of pressed beef, we presume.

* * * * *

Illustration: _Doctor (at Ambulance Class)._ "MY DEAR LADY, DO YOU
REALISE THAT THIS LAD'S ANKLE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE _BROKEN_ BEFORE YOU
BANDAGED IT?"

* * * * *

THE WAR IN ACACIA AVENUE.

When we are not running out after "specials" we are absorbed in the
mimic fight of Acacia Avenue--the desperate conflict between Mrs.
Studholm-Brown, of The Hollies, and Mrs. Dawburn-Jones, of Dulce Domum.
They have husbands, these amiable ladies, but the husbands are mainly
concerned with the commissariat and supply department, and are neither
allowed nor desired in the actual fighting line.

The very day the war began, a huge flagstaff with a Union Jack of
proportionate size rose in the grounds of Dulce Domum. It must have been
ordered in advance. I present this fact to the German Press Bureau as
showing that, at any rate, Mrs. Dawburn-Jones always intended war. But
the next day Mrs. Studholm-Brown went six feet better with a flagstaff
and three square yards better with a Union Jack.

Then we knew that it was war to the death in our Avenue and waited for
the next move in the campaign.

"The Hollies" broke out into Red Cross notices; "Dulce Domum" announced
itself to be the office for the organisation of local relief.

One morning we rose with a sort of idea that there was an eruption in
the air, and found the flags of Servia, France, Russia and Belgium
waving over "Dulce Domum." That day Mrs. Studholm-Brown met me in the
Avenue. She condescended to me. "Oh, could you tell me the colours of
the Montenegrin flag?" I couldn't; but it was the first time the great
lady had ever spoken to me. "Pink with green stripes," I replied
tremblingly.

The very next day seven Allied flags (including a pseudo-Montenegrin)
flew over "The Hollies." Mrs. Studholm-Brown had added Japan before the
MIKADO'S ultimatum had expired--which will prove to the German Press
Bureau that there was a secret understanding between our Far-Eastern
Ally and Mrs. Studholm-Brown.

But flags were not the only things that were flaunted. "Dulce Domum"
opened fire with an array of flannel shirts hung on clothes-lines across
the tennis-court. "The Hollies" replied with a deadly line of pyjamas.

Then the proprietress of the latter threw open her grounds--a croquet
co