hout repeating himself. We
understand that the Bargees' Union take a very serious view of the matter.

* * *

"The cost of cremation is now exceptionally low," announces a Sunday paper.
Inexpensive luxuries are so rare in these days that one is tempted to give
it a trial.

* * *

Replying to Sir K. FRASER, Mr. AUSTEN CHAMBERLAIN stated that he was not
prepared to levy an equalizing tax on total abstainers. The belief that
they are already sufficiently punished is widely held.

* * *

"Man, naturally funny, desires to be trained for stage funny-man" (_Times_
Advertisement). The initial handicap is bound to tell against him. He
should try the House of Commons.

* * *

Twenty-one pigs have died at Woking as the result of eating phosphorus. The
owner was apparently unaware that it has taken years to accustom the
American pig to a phosphorus diet.

* * *

Hythe Council is offering sixpence a dozen for dead wasps. Hunters may
bring their captures in on the hoof but must slaughter them before they can
touch the money.

* * *

A South Wales miner charged with trapping birds was found to be wearing
three coats. As this might have been due to an oversight on the part of his
valet it was not included in the charge.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE THINGS WE WRITE.

"SIR POMPEY AND HIS GUESTS LITERALLY SWAM IN CHAMPAGNE."]

* * * * *

Our Tireless Terpsichoreans.

"Miss ----'s dance will take place on the 22nd and terminate on the
29th for this season."--_Advt. in Provincial Paper._

* * * * *

"That fine sporting neighbourhood, Epsom, is represented by a big
cheque from the town cub."--_Evening Paper._

Good dog!

* * * * *

THE HEALING WATERS OF SPA.

[It is feared that the Treaty with the Turk will not be signed in time
for him to receive an invitation to join the Allies and their late
enemies, towards the end of May, at the Conference to be held at Spa,
where it is proposed to discuss a common scheme for the regeneration
of the world.]

Sweet after hopes deferred that make
The stomach feel so queer,
To think the Peace for which we ache
May very soon be here;
That, though but scarce two years have passed
Since we contrived to win it,
The War, if things go on so fast,