A correspondent to one of the daily papers has remarked, that there is an
almost total absence of swallows this summer in England. Had the writer
been present at some of the election dinners lately, he must have
confessed that a greater number of active swallows has rarely been
observed congregated in any one year.

LORD MELBOURNE TO "PUNCH."

My dear PUNCH,--Seeing in the "Court Circular" of the Morning Herald an
account of a General Goblet as one of the guests of her Majesty, I beg to
state, that till I saw that announcement, I was not aware of any other
_general gobble it_ than myself at the Palace.

Yours, truly, MELBOURN

* * * * *

A RAILROAD NOVEL

DEAR PUNCH,--I was much amused the other day, on taking my seat in the
Birmingham Railway train, to observe a sentimental-looking young
gentleman, who was sitting opposite to me, deliberately draw from his
travelling-bag three volumes of what appeared to me a new novel of the
full regulation size, and with intense interest commence the first volume
at the title-page. At the same instant the last bell rang, and away
started our train, whizz, bang, like a flash of lightning through a
butter-firkin. I endeavoured to catch a glimpse of some familiar places as
we passed, but the attempt was altogether useless. Harrow-on-the-Hill, as
we shot by it, seemed to be driving pell-mell up to town, followed by
Boxmoor, Tring, and Aylesbury--I missed Wolverton and Weedon while taking
a pinch of snuff--lost Rugby and Coventry before I had done sneezing, and
I had scarcely time to say, "God bless us," till I found we had reached
Birmingham. Whereupon I began to calculate the trifling progress my
reading companion could have made in his book during our rapid journey,
and to devise plans for the gratification of persons similarly situated as
my fellow-traveller. "Why," thought I, "should literature alone lag in the
age of steam? Is there no way by which a man could be made to swallow
Scott or bolt Bulwer, in as short a time as it now takes him to read an
auction bill?" Suddenly a happy thought struck me: it was to write a
novel, in which only the actual spirit of the narration should be
retained, rejecting all expletives, flourishes, and ornamental figures of
speech; to be terse and abrupt in style--use monosyllables always in
preference to polysyllables--and to eschew all heroes and heroines whose
names contain more than four letters. Full