I was
extremely elsewhere. I found myself on a road which seemed to lead in
two opposite directions, and my mind was very much confused.

I hardly know how I got home, but I finally did get there, accompanied
by a strong leaning towards Prohibition. A few days ago I received the
following letter:

Sir:--I at first thought when I saw you at my laboratory the other day
that you was a low, inquisitive cuss and so I spoke to you in harsh
tones and reproached you and upbraided you by calling you everything I
could lay my tongue to, but since then I have concluded that you didn't
know any better.

You said to me that you found my place by seeing the smoke coming out of
the chimbley; that has given me an idea that you might know something
about what's called a smoke consumer of which I have heard. I am doing a
fair business, but I am a good deal pestered, as you might say, by
people who come in on me when I do not want to mingle in society. A man
in the chemist business cannot succeed if he is all the time
interrupted by Tom, Dick and Harry coming in on him when he is in the
middle of an experiment.

I am engaged in making a remedy for which there is a great demand, but
its manufacture is regarded with suspicion by United States officials
who want to be considered zealous. Rather than be drawn into any
difficulty with these people, I have always courted retirement and
avoided the busy haunts of men. Still some strolling idiot or other will
occasionally see the smoke from my little home and drop in on me.

Could you find out about this smoke consumer and see what the price
would be and let me known as soon as possible?

If you could do so I can be of great service to you. Leave the letter
under the big stone where you found yourself the other day when you came
out of your trance. I call it a trance because this letter might fall
into the hands of your family. If you will find out about this smoke
consumer and leave the information where I have told you you will find
on the following day a large jug of mountain dew in the same place that
will make your hair grow and give a roseate hue to your otherwise gloomy
life.

Do not try to come here again. It might compromise me. A man in your
position may not have anything to risk, but with me it is different. My
unsullied reputation is all I have to bequeath to my children. If you
come often there will not be enough left to go around, as I have a large
family.

If you hear of