goods.

I have often wondered what there is about my general appearance which
seemed to draw about me a cluster of green-goods men wherever I go. Is
it the odor of new-mown hay, or the frank, open way in which I seem to
measure the height of the loftiest buildings with my eye as I penetrate
the busy haunts of men and throng the crowded marts of trade? Or do
strangers suspect me of being a man of means?

In Cleveland I was rather indisposed, owing to the fact that I had been
sitting up until 2 or 3 o'clock a. m. for several nights in order to
miss early trains. I went to a physician, who said I was suffering from
some new and attractive disease, which he could cope with in a day or
two. I told him to cope. He prescribed a large 42-calibre capsule which
he said contained medical properties. It might have contained theatrical
properties and still had room left for a baby grand piano. I do not know
why the capsule should be so popular. I would rather swallow a porcelain
egg or a live turtle. Doctors claim that it is to prevent the bad taste
of the medicines, but I have never yet participated in any medicine
which was more disagreeable than the gluey shell of an adult capsule,
which looks like an overgrown bott and tastes like a rancid nightmare.

I doubt the good taste of any one who will turn up his nose at
castor-oil or quinine and yet meekly swallow a chrysalis with varnish on
the outside.

Everywhere I go I find people who seem pleased with the manner in which
I have succeeded in resembling the graphic pictures made to represent me
in _The World_. I can truly say that I am not a vain man, but it is
certainly pleasing and gratifying to be greeted by a glance of
recognition and a yell of genuine delight from total strangers. Many
have seemed to suppose that the massive and undraped head shown in these
pictures was the result of artistic license or indolence and a general
desire to evade the task of making hair. For such people the thrill of
joy they feel when they discover that they have not been deceived is
marked and genuine.

These pictures also stimulate the press of the country to try it
themselves and to add other horrors which do not in any way interfere
with the likeness, but at the same time encourage me to travel mostly by
night.

"Curly Locks!"

[Illustration]

"_Curly Locks! Curly Locks! wilt thou be mine?
Thou shalt not wash the dishes, nor yet feed the swine--
But sit on a c