mpetuous girds
and itching fires, led me such a life, that I could neither, night or
day, be at peace with it or myself. In time, however, I thought I had
gained a prodigious prize, when figuring to myself that my fingers were
something of the shape of what I pined for, I worked my way in with one
of them with great agitation and delight; yet not without pain too did I
deflower myself as far as it could reach; proceeding with such a fury of
passion, in this solitary and last shift of pleasure, as extended me at
length breathless on the bed in an amorous melting trance.

"But frequency of use dulling the sensation, I soon began to perceive
that this work was but a paultry shallow expedient, that went but a
little way to relieve me, and rather raised more flame than its dry and
insignificant titillation could rightly appease.

"Man alone, I almost instinctively knew, as well as by what I had
industriously picked up at weddings and christenings, was possessed of
the only remedy that could reduce this rebellious disorder; but watched
and overlooked as I was, how to come at it was the point, and that, to
all appearance, an invincible one; not that I did not rack my brains and
invention how at once to elude my mothers vigilance, and procure myself
the satisfaction of my impetuous curiosity and longings for this mighty
and untasted pleasure. At length, however, a singular chance did at once
the work of a long course of alertness. One day that we had dined at
an acquaintance over the way, together with a gentlewoman-lodger that
occupied the first floor of our house, there started an indispensable
necessity for my mother's going down to Greenwich to accompany her: the
party was settled, when I do not know what genius whispered me to plead
a headache, which I certainly had not, against my being included in a
jaunt that I had not the least relish for. The pretext, however, passed,
and my mother, with much reluctance, prevailed with herself to go
without me; but took particular care to see me safe home, where she
consigned me into the hands of an old trusty maidservants, who served in
the shop, for we had not a male creature in the house.

"As soon as she was gone, I told the maid I would go up and lie down on
our lodger's bed, mine not being made, with a charge to her at the same
time not to disturb me, as it was only rest I wanted. This injunction
probably proved of eminent service to me. As soon as I was got into the
bedchambe