was for me to do His Will,
not for Him to do mine. I also understood that a bride would not
be pleasing to the bridegroom on her wedding day were she not
magnificently attired. But, what had I made ready? So I said to
Our Lord: "I do not ask Thee to hasten the day of my profession, I
will wait as long as Thou pleasest, only I cannot bear that
through any fault of mine my union with Thee should be delayed; I
will set to work and carefully prepare a wedding-dress enriched
with diamonds and precious stones, and, when Thou findest it
sufficiently rich, I am sure that nothing will keep Thee from
accepting me as Thy Spouse."

I took up the task with renewed zest. Since my clothing day I had
received abundant lights on religious perfection, chiefly
concerning the vow of poverty. Whilst I was a postulant I liked to
have nice things to use and to find everything needful ready to
hand. Jesus bore with me patiently, for He gives His light little
by little. At the beginning of my spiritual life, about the age of
fourteen, I used to ask myself how, in days to come, I should more
clearly understand the true meaning of perfection. I imagined I
then understood it completely, but I soon came to realise that the
more one advances along this path the farther one seems from the
goal, and now I am resigned to be always imperfect, and I even
find joy therein.

To return to the lessons which Our Lord taught me. One evening
after Compline I searched in vain for our lamp on the shelves
where they are kept, and, as it was the time of the "Great
Silence," I could not recover it. I guessed rightly that a Sister,
believing it to be her own, had taken it; but just on that evening
I had counted much on doing some work, and was I to spend a whole
hour in the dark on account of this mistake? Without the interior
light of grace I should undoubtedly have pitied myself, but, with
that light, I felt happy instead of aggrieved, and reflected that
poverty consists in being deprived not only of what is convenient,
but of what is necessary. And, in this exterior darkness, I found
my soul illumined by a brightness that was divine.

At this time I was seized with a craving for whatever was ugly and
inconvenient; and was thus quite pleased when a pretty little jug
was taken from our cell and a large chipped one put in its place.
I also tried hard not to make excuses, but I found this very
difficult, especially with our Mistress; from her I did not like
to