o, through abuse of grace, lose these precious
treasures, the only source of pure and lasting joy. He allowed my
soul to be overwhelmed with darkness, and the thought of Heaven,
which had consoled me from my earliest childhood, now became a
subject of conflict and torture. This trial did not last merely
for days or weeks; I have been suffering for months, and I still
await deliverance. I wish I could express what I feel, but it is
beyond me. One must have passed through this dark tunnel to
understand its blackness. However, I will try to explain it by
means of a comparison.

Let me suppose that I had been born in a land of thick fogs, and
had never seen the beauties of nature, or a single ray of
sunshine, although I had heard of these wonders from my early
youth, and knew that the country wherein I dwelt was not my real
home--there was another land, unto which I should always look
forward. Now this is not a fable, invented by an inhabitant of the
land of fogs, it is the solemn truth, for the King of that sunlit
country dwelt for three and thirty years in the land of darkness,
and alas!--the darkness did not understand that He was the Light
of the World._[11]

But, dear Lord, Thy child has understood Thou art the Light
Divine; she asks Thy pardon for her unbelieving brethren, and is
willing to eat the bread of sorrow as long as Thou mayest wish.
For love of Thee she will sit at that table of bitterness where
these poor sinners take their food, and she will not stir from it
until Thou givest the sign. But may she not say in her own name,
and the name of her guilty brethren: "O God, be merciful to us
sinners!"[12] Send us away justified. May all those on whom Faith
does not shine see the light at last! O my God, if that table
which they profane can be purified by one that loves Thee, I am
willing to remain there alone to eat the bread of tears, until it
shall please Thee to bring me to Thy Kingdom of Light: the only
favour I ask is, that I may never give Thee cause for offence.

From the time of my childhood I felt that one day I should be set
free from this land of darkness. I believed it, not only because I
had been told so by others, but my heart's most secret and deepest
longings assured me that there was in store for me another and
more beautiful country--an abiding dwelling-place. I was like
Christopher Columbus, whose genius anticipated the discovery of
the New World. And suddenly the mists about me have penetr