crease the sympathy that should exist between
men situated as we are; and as for Mrs. Smithers-Pedagog, I wish her to
understand distinctly that I am criticising the cook and not herself. If
this particular dainty had been prepared by her own fair hand, I doubt
not I should want more of it."

"I thank you," returned the landlady, somewhat mollified by this remark.
"If I had more time I should occasionally do the cooking myself, but,
as it is, I am overwhelmed with work."

"I can bear witness to that," observed Mr. Whitechoker. "Mrs.
Smithers-Pedagog is one of the most useful ladies in my congregation. If
it were not for her, many a heathen would be going without garments
to-day."

"Well, I don't like to criticise," said the Idiot, "but I think the
heathen at home should be considered before the heathen abroad. If your
congregation would have a guild to look after such heathen as the Poet
and the Doctor and myself, I am convinced it would be more appreciated
by those who benefited by its labors than it is at present by the
barbarians who try to wear the misfits it sends out. A Christian whose
plain but honest breakfast is well cooked is apt to be far more grateful
than a barbarian who is wearing a pair of trousers made of calico and a
coat three sizes too small in the body and nine sizes too large in the
arms. I will go further. I believe that if the domestic heathen were
cared for they would do much better work, would earn better pay, and
would, out of mere gratitude, set apart a sufficiently large portion of
their increased earnings to be devoted to the purchase of tailor-made
costumes, which would please the cannibals better, far better, than the
amateur creations they now get. I know I'd contribute some of my
surplus."

"What would you have such a guild do?" queried Mr. Whitechoker.

"Do? There'd be so much for it to do that the members could hardly find
time to rest," returned the Idiot. "Do? Why, my dear sir, take this
house, for instance, and see what it could do here. What a boon it would
be for me if some kind-hearted person would come here once a week and
sew buttons on my clothes, darn my socks--in short, keep me mended. What
better work for one who desires to make the world brighter, happier, and
less sinful!"

"I fail to see how the world would be brighter, happier, or less sinful
if your suspender-buttons were kept firm, and your stockings darned, and
your wardrobe generally mended," said Mr. Pedagog