taught me to control my tongue. I should have been a regular
talk-fiend if it hadn't been for whist."

Mr. Pedagog looked unutterable things at the Idiot.

"Are you laboring under the delusion that you have any control over your
tongue?" he asked, savagely.

"Most certainly," said the Idiot.

"Well, I'll have to make a note of that," said Mr. Pedagog. "I have a
friend who is making a collection of hallucinations."

"If you'll give me his address," said the Idiot, "I'll send him
thousands. For five dollars a dozen I'll invent hallucinations for him
that people ought to have but haven't."

"No," returned the School-master. "In his behalf, however, I thank you.
He collects only real hallucinations, and he finds there are plenty of
them without retaining a professional lunatic to supply him."

"Very well," said the Idiot, returning to his waffles. "If at any time
he finds the supply running short, I shall be glad to renew my offer."

"You haven't unfolded your Harmony Promoting Scheme for Waffle Days,"
suggested the Poet. "It has aroused my interest."

"Oh, it is simple," said the Idiot. "I have noticed that on waffle days
here most of us leave the table more or less dissatisfied. We find
ourselves plunged into acrimonious discussions, which, to my mind,
arise entirely from the waffles. Mr. Pedagog is a most amiable
gentleman, and yet we find him this morning full of acerbity. On the
surface of things I seem to be the cause of his anger, but in reality it
is not I, but the waffles. He has seen me gradually absorbing them and
it has irritated him. Every waffle that I eat _he_ might have had if I
had not been here. If there had been no one here but Mr. Pedagog, he
would have had all the waffles; as it is, his supply is limited. This
affects his geniality. It makes him--"

"Pardon me," said Mr. Pedagog. "But you are all wrong. I haven't thought
of the things at all."

"Consciously to yourself you have not," said the Idiot. "Subconsciously,
however, you have. The Philosophy of the Unconscious teaches us that
unknown to ourselves our actions are directly traceable to motives we
wot not of. The truth of this is conclusively proven in this case. Even
when I point out to you the facts in the case you deny their truth,
thereby showing that you are not conscious of the real underlying motive
for your irritation. Now, why is that irritation there? Because our
several rights to the individual waffles that are served here a