iot. "It will make the writers of to-day green
with envy, and, as for the beggars, if it is not generally known that
it is I and not they who are responsible for the work, the beggars will
shortly find themselves in demand as writers of fiction for the
magazines."

"And you?" suggested the Poet.

"I shall be content. Mere gratitude will force the beggars to send me
the magazine orders, and _I'll_ write their articles and be glad of the
opportunity, giving them ten per cent. of the profits. I know a man who
makes fifty dollars a year at magazine work, and one of my ambitions is
to rival the Banker-Poets and Dry Goods Essayists by achieving fame as
the Boarding-house Dickens."

VIII

Progressive Waffles

"I am afraid," said Mr. Pedagog, in a loud whisper to the Bibliomaniac,
"that the Idiot isn't feeling well this morning. He has eaten three
fish-cakes and a waffle without opening his mouth."

The Idiot looked up, and, gazing wearily at Mr. Pedagog for a moment,
shrugged his shoulders and ejaculated, "Tutt!"

"He's off," said the Bibliomaniac. "Whenever he says 'Tutt!' you can
make up your mind that his vocabulary is about to be loosed."

"If my vocabulary were as warped as some other vocabularies I might
mention," said the Idiot, helping himself to another waffle modelled
after the six of hearts, "I'd keep it in a cage. A man who observes that
I have eaten three fish-cakes and a waffle without opening my mouth
hasn't a very good command of language. He simply states as a fact what
is in reality an impossibility, granting that I eat with my mouth, which
I am told I do."

"You know what I mean," retorted Mr. Pedagog, impatiently. "I am so much
in your society that I have acquired the very bad habit of speaking in
the vernacular. When I say you haven't opened your mouth I do not refer
to the opening you make for the receipt of waffles and fish-cakes, but
for those massive openings which you require for your exuberant
loquacity. In other words, I mean that you haven't spoken a word for at
least three minutes, which is naturally an indication to us that you
aren't feeling well. You and talk are synonymous as far as we are
concerned."

"I _have_ been known to speak--that is true," said the Idiot. "That I am
not feeling very well this morning is also true. I have a headache."

"A what ache?" asked the Doctor, scornfully.

"A very bad headache," returned the Idiot, looking about him for a third
waffle.