And my conscience tells me I mayn't!
As their various virtues are vaunted in letters of jet,
Or gaudier gilding and paint!

V.

I should like to be clean if I could--but I cannot cope,
Without saponaceous aid,
With a shower of London smuts--and I'm losing hope,
Getting daily a dingier shade,
In a futile search for a genuine Toilet-soap
That has shunned meretricious parade!

VI.

My villa would be--when it's furnished--the cosiest nest,
But I fear it is doomed to be bare;
For upholsterers' puffs are now a persistent pest,
And so shamelessly each will declare
His "Elegant Dining and Drawing-room suites" are the "cheapest and best"--
That I daren't choose so much as a _chair_!

VII.

I would fly to the Ocean shore, or the Continent,
To escape from a lot accurst;
But here, by my own parole, I'm a prisoner pent!
I must find a Company first
That doesn't resort to obtrusive advertisement--
And the Railway ones are the _worst_!

VIII.

And now I'm developing symptoms of bodily ills,
But, however sanguine I've felt,
Of a cure from So-and-So's Syrup, Elixir, or Pills,
Or his Neuro-magnetic Belt--
Can I buy, when their fame is based on a stratum of bills
Down every area dealt?

IX.

And even my path to a tranquil tomb is barred
While that oath continues to bind;
For a coffin and funeral car will be somewhat hard
For a faithful adherent to find--
When already each undertaker has left a card
With his terms and "inquiries kind"!

X.

So you see, Mr. WILLIAM BLACK, what a mess I've made!
And you'll own my dilemmas are due
To the oath which I took when I followed your precious crusade.
If its terms were drafted by _you_,
You may know some ingenious means their effect to evade--
Kindly drop me a line if you do!

* * * * *

TO BLACKHAM'S BOYS.

(_The Australian Cricketers have arrived in England._)

WELCOME, JOHN MCCARTHY BLACKHAM,
And his boys! 'Tis safe to back 'em,
GIFFEN, BANNERMAN, and TURNER,
To teach BULL--a cheerful learner!
Austral Cricket "up to date."
BRUCE and TRUMBLE--rather late--
Owing to Lutetia's charms!
Soon will join their chums in arms.
LYONS and M'LEOD are ready;
Dashing GEORGE and ALEC steady,
And the others, prompt to pitch 'em
(Stumps) on the old sward at Mitcham.
_Punch_ will wish you al