ho scandalously neglects his duty, though he takes
his money. I think the law might well be altered."--_Mr.
Justice Hawkins._]

AIR.--_"The Future Mrs. 'Awkins."_

I'm _done_, my little doner! I'm jest about a goner!
My savings all U. P.!
You always said I shouldn't; but resist big names I couldn't,
No, they fairly nobbled me.
Now Mister Justice 'AWKINS, 'onest 'ENERY HAWKINS,
Some Directors' wool does comb.
So 'elp me bob, I'm crazy. I _must_ ha' bin a daisy!
Won't it bust our 'umble 'ome!
(_Spoken or sung._) _Won't_ it!
O LIZER! Sweet LIZER!
If I die in the Big 'Ouse, I'll only 'ave myself to blame.
D'y'ear, LIZER? _Dear_ LIZER!
Fancy _me_ bein' nicked by a 'igh-soundin' name!

At their sly board-meetin's wot must be their greetin's!
Oh, they knows wot _they're_ about!
The public tin they close up, at us turns their nose up--
Fox and Guinea-pigs--no doubt.
I likes their style, dear LIZER. Ain't it a surpriser?
Cop _me_ on the 'op like this!!!
Sure, I must be dreamin'! In my sleep start screamin'.
There, _don't_ cry, old gal! Let's kiss!
(_Spoken or sung._) _Come_ now!
O LIZER! Dear LIZER!
If I lose yer luv by this I'll only 'ave myself to blame!
D'y'ear, LIZER? _Dear_ LIZER!
'Onest 'ENERY 'AWKINS sez it's a dashed shame!

Hartful as a "bonnet," you depend upon it,
Mister Fox, with tail sly-curled!
Jest about the sweetest, neatest, and completest
Diddle in the wide, wide world.
Wot sez 'ENERY 'AWKINS, 'onest 'ENERY 'AWKINS?
Law wants alterin' right away.
P'raps it may be _one_ day, but were it next Monday,
Me and you 'twould not repay!
(_Spoken or sighed._) _Would_ it?
O LIZER! Sweet LIZER!
Strikes me wot is called the Law is often fuss, and fraud, and fudge!
But _dear_ LIZER! D'y'ear, LIZER?
Mister Justice 'AWKINS is a fust-class Judge!

* * * * *

QUERY AT SOME FASHIONABLE SEA-SIDE RESORT.--Do the unpleasant odours
noticeable at certain times arise from the fact of the tide
being high? If so, is the tide sometimes higher than usual, as
the--ahem!--odours certainly are?

* * * * *

SHAKSPEARIAN QUESTION TO A COMPANY.--(_To be replied to in the
negative._)--"What, are you HANSARD yet?" (_Mer. of Venice_, iv., 1.)

* * *