to my tortures
will do me no good; but I cannot hold out against my son. So, when the
present blister is well over, let them try their seton as they call it.

_May_ 6 _and_ 7.--Here is a precious job. I have a formal remonstrance
from these critical persons, Ballantyne and Cadell, against the last
volume of _Count Robert_, which is within a sheet of being finished. I
suspect their opinion will be found to coincide with that of the public;
at least it is not very different from my own. The blow is a stunning
one I suppose, for I scarcely feel it. It is singular, but it comes with
as little surprise as if I had a remedy ready. Yet God knows, I am at
sea in the dark, and the vessel leaky, I think, into the bargain. I
cannot conceive that I should have tied a knot with my tongue which my
teeth cannot untie. We will see. I am determined to write a political
pamphlet _coute que coute_; ay,--should it cost me my life.

I will right and left at these unlucky proof-sheets, and alter at least
what I cannot mend.

_May_ 8.--I have suffered terribly, that is the truth, rather in body
than in mind, and I often wish I could lie down and sleep without
waking. But I will fight it out if I can. It would argue too great an
attachment of consequence to my literary labours to sink under. Did I
know how to begin, I would begin this very day, although I knew I should
sink at the end. After all, this is but fear and faintness of heart,
though of another kind from that which trembleth at a loaded pistol. My
bodily strength is terribly gone; perhaps my mental too?

_May_ 9.--The weather uncommonly beautiful and I am very eager to get
on thinning woods while the peeling season lasts. We made about L200 off
wood last season, and this is a sum worth looking at.

_May_ 10.--Some repairs on the mill-dam still keep the people employed,
and we cannot get to the thinning. Yet I have been urging them for a
month. It's a great fault of Scottish servants that they cannot be
taught to time their turns.

_May_ 11.--By old practice I should be going into town to-day, the Court
sitting to-morrow. Am I happier that I am free from this charge? Perhaps
I am; that is certain, time begins to make my literary labour more
precious than usual. Very weak, scarce able to crawl about without the
pony--lifted on and off--and unable to walk half a mile save with great
pain.

_May_ 12.--Resolved to lay by _Robert of Paris_, and take it up when I
can work. Thinking