nced with nocturnal emissions, and, at the
same time, he began to masturbate, and continued to do so about
once a week, or once a fortnight, during a period of eight
months; always with a feeling that that was a poor satisfaction
and repulsive. His thoughts were not directed either to males or
females while masturbating. He spoke to his father about these
signs of puberty, and by his father's advice he entirely
abandoned onanism; he only resumed the practice, to some extent,
after the age of 30, when he was without male comradeship.

The nocturnal emissions, after he had abandoned self-abuse,
became very frequent and exhausting. They were medically treated
by tonics such as quinine and strychnine. He thinks this
treatment exaggerated his neurosis.

All this time, no kind of sexual feeling for girls made itself
felt. He could not understand what his schoolfellows found in
women, or the stories they told about wantonness and delight of
coitus.

His old dreams about the sailors had disappeared. But now he
enjoyed visions of beautiful young men and exquisite statues; he
often shed tears when he thought of them. These dreams persisted
for years. But another kind gradually usurped their place to some
extent. These second visions took the form of the large, erect
organs of naked young grooms or peasants. These gross visions
offended his taste and hurt him, though, at the same time, they
evoked a strong, active desire for possession; he took a strange,
poetic pleasure in the ideal form. But the seminal losses which
accompanied both kinds of dreams were a perpetual source of
misery to him.

There is no doubt that at this time--that is, between the
fifteenth and seventeenth years--a homosexual diathesis had
become established. He never frequented loose women, though he
sometimes thought that would be the best way of combating his
growing inclination for males. And he thinks that he might have
brought himself to indulge freely in purely sexual pleasure with
women if he made their first acquaintance in a male costume, as
_debardeuses, Cherubino_, court-pages, young halberdiers, as it
is only when so clothed that women on the stage or in the
ball-room have excited him.

His ideal of morality and fear of venereal infection, more than
physical incapacity, kept him what is ca