ns I consider that I was under immediate Divine
protection.

I believed earnestly in God with the complete and peaceful faith of
childhood. I thought of Him, and was afraid: but more afraid of a
great Angel who stood with pen and book in hand and wrote down
all my sins. This terrible Angel was a great reality to me. I prayed
diligently for those I loved. Sometimes I forgot a name: then I would
have to get out of bed and add it to my prayer. As I grew older, if the
weather were cold I did not pray upon the floor but from my bed,
because it was more comfortable. I was not always sure if this were
quite right, but I could not concentrate my mind on God if my body
was cold, because then I could not forget my body.

I saw God very plainly when I shut my eyes! He was a White Figure
in white robes on a white throne, amongst the clouds. He heard my
prayers as easily as I saw His robes. He was by no means very far
away, though sometimes He was further than at others. He took the
trouble to make everything very beautiful: and He could not bear
sinful children. The Angel with the Book read out to Him my faults
in the evenings.

When I was twelve years old my grandmother died, and for three
months I was in real grief. All day I mourned for her, and at night I
looked out at the stars, and the terrible mystery of death and space
and loneliness struck at my childish heart.

After thirteen I could no longer be taken abroad to hotels, for my
parents considered that I received too much attention, too many
presents, too many chocolates from men. I was educated by a
governess, and was often very lonely. My brothers would come back
from school; then I overflowed with happiness and sang all day long
in my heart with joy. The last night of the holidays was a time of
anguish. Upstairs the clothes were packed. Downstairs I helped them
pack the "play-boxes," square deal boxes at sight of which tears
sprang to my eyes and a dreadful pain gripped my heart. Oh, the
pain of love at parting! there never was a pain so terrible as suffering
love. The last meal: the last hour: the last look. There are natures
which feel this anguish more than others. We are not all alike.

I had been passionately fond of dolls. Now I was too old for such
companions, and when my brothers went away I was completely
alone with my governess and my lessons. I fell into the habit of
dreaming. In these dreams I evolved a companion who was at the
same time myself--and ye