ssible to say how,
yet it came from this companionship as it came from nothing else.

That Jesus Christ was God I knew to be the faith of the Church, but
that He actually was so I felt no conviction of whatever: indeed, it
was incomprehensible to me. I thought of Him as a Perfect Man,
with divine powers. He was my Jesus. I denied nothing, for I was far
too small and ignorant to venture to do so: I kept a perfectly open
mind and loved Him for Himself, as the Man Jesus.

This went on for some years. In all my spiritual advancement I was
incredibly slow!

What had delayed me in progress was lack of using the right
Procedure and the right Prayer. I sought for God with persistence
and great longing; but I sought Him as the Father, and the Godhead
is inaccessible to the creature. On becoming truly desirous of finding
God it is necessary that with great persistence we pray the Father in
the name of Jesus Christ that He will give us to Jesus Christ and nil
the heart and mind with love for Christ. Only through Jesus Christ
can we find the Godhead, and we cannot be satisfied with less than
the Godhead. With the creature we cannot come into contact with
the Godhead--but with the soul only. The soul is awakened, revived,
reglorified by Grace of Jesus Christ; and the Holy Spirit effects the
repentance and conversion of the heart and mind, for without this
conversion towards a spiritual life the soul remains in bondage to the
unconverted creature.

VIII

One day I returned from a walk, and hardly had I entered my room
when I commenced thinking with great nearness and intimacy of
Jesus; and suddenly, with the most intense vividness, He presented
Himself before my consciousness so that I inwardly perceived Him,
and at once I was overcome by a great agony of remorse for my
unworthiness: it was as though my heart and mind broke in pieces
and melted in the stress of this fearful pain, which
continued--increased--became unendurable, and lasted altogether an
hour. Too ignorant to know that this was the pain of Repentance, I
did not understand what had happened to me; but now indeed at least I
knew beyond a doubt that I had a soul! My wonderful Lord had
come to pay me a visit, and I was not fit to receive Him--hence my
agony. I would try with all my strength to improve myself for Him.

I was at first at a standstill to know even where to commence in this
improvement, for words fail to describe what I now saw in myself!
Up till now I