ver Lea!

But, goodness gracious!
If river spacious
By Co.'s owdacious,
Can thus be claimed,
I have a notion
The wide blue ocean
As "absolute property"
May soon be named.

Who need be caring
For the Sea of Behring?
We shall have them sharing
The broad Atlantic.
Whilst the Bay of Biscay
(Like a keg of whiskey)
Will be shared and lotted
By financiers frantic!

O sublime monopolist,
You're truly top o' list!
Where _will_ you stop? Oh, list,
One word from me!
_Too_ big claims abandon.
You may lay your hand on
The unpleasant waters
Of the muddy Lea,

But in every quarter
Of Earth, Air, Water,
If _too_ strong you "come it"
(As you seem inclined),
There will be a shindy;
And you'll find it--windy
Upon "Proputty's" summit,
If you do not mind.

On that peak you'd plant 'em,
Your claws, bold Bantam,
But I spy a phantom
Which you may not see,
Which may scare you slightly,
Should you grip _too_ tightly
The unpleasant waters
Of the River Lea!

* * * * *

[Illustration: _James._ "YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, SIR, BUT I WISHED TO HASK
YOU IF YOU COULD SPARE ME FOR A HOUR OR TWO TO-MORRER MORNIN'?"

_Employer._ "WHAT'S IT FOR, JAMES?"

_James._ "WELL, SIR, I WISH TO CONSULT A DENTIS', I 'AVE A 'OLLOW
TOOTH 'ERE, WHICH GIVES ME HAWFUL PAIN; AN' IT'S ONLY WITH GREAT
HEFFORT THAT I CAN MANAGE TO _DOMESTICATE_ MY FOOD!"]

* * * * *

TOO BAD TO BE TRUE.

At a meeting of the London Diocesan Conference, a Reverend gentleman
is reported to have declared his belief that, "for one man drawn from
the Public-house by the opening of the Museums on Sunday, there
were ten persons drawn from their attendance at Church!" _Mr. Punch_
fancies these are rather supposititious statistics. Does the Reverend
gentleman quite see what his hasty statement involves? How slight
must be the attractions of Church--_his_ Church at least--to a large
proportion even of those who _do_ now attend? Rivalry between Museum
and Gin-palace one can contemplate hopefully. But if the real rivalry
is to be between Museum and Church, with such results as this rather
pessimistic parson predicts, the look-out seems rather dismal--for the
Church! Surely this is the highest compliment to secular attractions
ever paid by a cleric! _Mr. Punch_ hopes--and believes--it is as
ill-deserved as high.