hair-dresser to touch
out all the grey ones, thinking I might fetch the old girl, but
as soon as she saw me she was very rude, called me a fright, and
began asking some damned awkward questions about my late wife's
trust money. Just my luck! _(sits at writing table)_

Pearl. _(reading from letter which Ruby holds)_ "And, my darling
Ruby--if your father dies"--there's not much "if" about it. He
does. _(taps her hair)_ I've seen the bottle.

_(Both giggle.)_

Plant. _(aside, looking in pocket mirror)_ So I took the next
train back to Southsea, and romped my daughters up to town.
If Ruby can only hook the doctor before the aunt arrives, I'm
saved--if she can't--I'm--ahem!

Ruby. _(aside to Pearl)_ And only think, Pearl. when he's an
Admiral, I shall be Lady Merry--perhaps a Duchess!

Pearl. But, father----

Ruby. Oh, he'll be delighted. We're keeping it as a surprise for
his birthday.

Pearl. He'll be 63 next birthday--he looks more like 36.

_(Both laugh.)_

Plant. _(to them)_ Stop that silly giggling! _(crosses over to
the two, sends Pearl across to table)_ Go and sit over there.
Ruby. my precious jewel, I have something very solemn to say
while we are waiting to see the doctor.

Ruby. _(jumping up, excitedly)_ Pa, don't say you've brought us
for the doctor to sound us.

Pearl. _(quietly, sitting still)_ He shan't sound _me!_

Plant. On the contrary, I've brought you to sound the _doctor_,
_(pulls Ruby down again and sits r. of her on couch)_

Ruby. _(excitedly)_ What about?

Plant. You are aware that although we are strangers to Doctor
Sheppard, he is our cousin.

Ruby. Second cousin, pa!

Pearl. On mother's side.

Ruby. Three times removed.

Plant. Well, well, let us hope he won't be so far removed in the
future. I regret very deeply that we have never yet enjoyed the
friendship of--er--_dear_ cousin Jack.

Pearl. You have frequently remarked, it was not worth while to
cultivate _any_ of our poor relations.

Plant. _(hotly)_ Do you want your pocket money stopped? The fact
is. Pearl. you're bringing my grey hairs----_(stroking his black
locks)_

Pearl. _(quietly)_ Your what?

Plant. _(jumping up)_ I stop your pocket money for a month! Ooh!
_(puts his hand to his back)_ This lumbago is unbearable. When a
man gets to my time of life----

Pearl. _(quietly)_ What time is it now?

Plant. _(hotly)_ I stop your pocket money for _three_ months!

Pearl. _(rises)_ Really, father, a solicitor