ants of Leeds carrying out their campaign
against rats that it is considered unsafe for any rodent under three years
old to venture out alone after dark.

* * *

We are glad to learn that the Brixton lady who mislaid her husband last
week at one of these West-End bargain sales has now received him back from
the firm in fairly good condition.

* * *

During the recent spell of warm weather several wooden houses threw out new
shoots, some of which are already in bud.

* * *

We understand that the Government contemplate passing a Bill to forbid
silver-weddings unless a larger percentage of alloy is used with them.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE CRIME WAVE.

_Crank_ (_enlarging upon pet theory_). "I TELL YOU, SIR, WE ARE ALL OF US
BOLSHEVISTS AT HEART. THE ONLY THING THAT'S KEEPING YOU AND ME FROM A LIFE
OF CRIME IS THE THOUGHT OF THE POLICEMAN ROUND THE CORNER."]

* * * * *

"How utterly unimpressive for ceremonial purposes is the ordinary
episcopal habit.... What dignity it ever possessed has been most
successfully shorn off by the merciless scissors of ecclesiastical
tailors. The history of the chimere and rochet has been truly tragic."
--_Church Paper._

Fortunately, the hat and gaiters do something to relieve the gloom.

* * * * *

CLOTHES AND THE POET.

["The public will welcome an announcement that the standard clothing
scheme may be revived on a voluntary basis."--_The Times_.]

I do not ask for silk attire,
For purple, no, nor puce;
The only wear that I require
Is something plain and loose,
A quiet set of reach-me-downs for serviceable use.

For these, which I must have because
The honour of the Press
Compels me, by unwritten laws,
To clothe my nakedness,
Four guineas is my limit--more or (preferably) less.

Let others go in Harris tweeds,
Men of the leisured sort;
Mine are the modest, homely needs
That with my state comport;
I am a simple labouring man whose work is all his sport.

I covet not the gear of those
Who neither toil nor spin;
I merely want some standard clo's
To drape my standard skin,
Wrought of material suitable for writing verses in.

Something that won't pi