a level colourlessness on his. Only once did he assume the
offensive, which took the shape of a demand for four pounds for possible
services to be rendered at some period in the future. At Yuletide I hoped
that "during this season of goodwill he would see his way to give
instructions for the installation of our telephone," and in the New Year I
played once more the ex-Service employees' card:--"... Whatever views you
may hold on the policy of the withdrawal of British troops from Russia, we
are convinced that you will sympathise with our desire to extend a hearty
welcome to a member of our staff on his return to this office from
Murmansk; and we feel that, since he served with the R.E. Signals, it would
be a graceful compliment to him if we had the telephone installed. We
therefore cordially invite your co-operation so that this may take place
before his arrival.... The idea of installing a telephone in this office is
not in itself a novel one, as you may recollect that the suggestion has
cropped up in the correspondence that has passed between us...."

* * * * *

And now, as I have said, the telephone is installed. The instrument is
fashioned in a severe style (receiver and mouth-piece mounted on an ebonite
column of the Roman Doric Order), and it stands for all to see as a symbol
that in the seclusion of our offices we are in touch with the world at
large. But as a symbol only it must remain, for the voices of the outer
world that call us up as they search for other friends or obstruct us when
we in turn are, as it were, groping after ours, have already frayed the
temper of our staff. It was inevitable that under such constant irritation
these ex-Service men of ours would one day burst into strong military
idiom, so we have disconnected our telephone in order to avoid the calamity
of losing our lady-typist.

* * * * *

[Illustration: SOUVENIR-HUNTERS OF THE PAST.

_Scene._--RUNNYMEDE, 1215.]

* * * * *

"Man Wanted to lift 1,200 square yards of Turf at once--_Provincial
Paper._

Before applying for the job our young friend Foozle would like to know
whether he will be required to replace the divot.

* * * * *

AT THE PLAY.

"JUST LIKE JUDY."

If the author of _Just Like Judy_ will look into that commodious classic,
_Mrs. Beeton's Cookery Book_, he will find a formula for lig