Lieut. of Ernie's watch,
Dour, meticulous and Scotch,
Thought he'd show the timid snotty
(Newly joined) exactly what he
Wanted when inspecting men.
Closely Ernest watched, and then
Said, saluting, "Sir, I note
Several creases in your coat,
And I see upon your trouser
Signs of paint-work; yet just now, Sir,
Did you not think fit to blame
One poor man who had the same?"

Ere that outraged Lieut. replied
Suddenly our hero spied
Coming aft, his labours done,
Our benignant Number One
(_Most_ abstemious is he,
And, in fact, a strict T.T.,
But--it shows how Fate can blunder--
No one could be rubicunder.
Ernest, after one swift glance,
Said, "Excuse my ignorance,
But, Sir, can you tell me why
You are always red, while I,
Even when I drink a lot,
Only flush if I am hot?"

Just as Number One grew pale
And collapsed against the rail,
Striving grimly not to choke,
Ernest heard the busy Bloke
Calling loudly, "Let her go!"
To a seaman down below;
"Fool! the cutter's bound to ram you,
Push the pinnace forrard, damn you!"
Ernest shook his youthful head
And he very gently said
Into his Commander's ear,
"You forget yourself, I fear.
May I ask what you would do
If I used that word to _you_?
Is it worthy, Sir, of an
Officer and gentleman?"

Aft ran little Ernest, only
Pausing when he saw a lonely
Figure bright with golden lace
Who appeared to own the place.
"Ah!" thought Ernie, "I know you;
You're the luckless Captain who
(Though you hadn't then a beard)
Most unwillingly appeared
But a year ago or less
In the Illustrated Press."
"Tell me, Sir," the youngster cried,
Crossing to the Captain's side
Of the sacred quarterdeck--
"How did you contrive the wreck
Of the cruiser you commanded
When she bumped the beach and stranded?"

You may say, "He is so brave he
Ought some day to rule the Navy."
Certainly he _ought_, but still
I'm afraid he never will;
For they talked to him so gruffly
And they handled him so roughly
That, when he was fit to drop
And the kindly Bloke said, "Stop!
Or you'll make him even madder;
He is wiser now and sadder,"
Ernest simply answered, "Ay, Sir,
You have _made_ me sad; but why, Sir?"

* * * * *

AEQUAM MEMENTO.

"I wonder," said Mary for the third time, "if we shall catch the tram at
the other end."

"Calmnes