coast if a liquor licence is granted to the tug.

* * *

There is no truth in the report that, as the result of a majority vote of
the Dublin Corporation, the sword and mace have been replaced by a pistol
and mitre.

* * *

We live in strenuous times. The MAD MULLAH has been reported in action and
Willesden has won the London Draughts' Tournament.

* * *

By the way, those who remember the MAD MULLAH'S earlier escapades are of
the opinion that it is high time for him to be killed again.

* * *

The HOME SECRETARY hopes to introduce an Anti-Firearms Bill. Under this Act
it is expected that it will be made illegal for criminals to shoot at
people into whose homes they break.

* * *

A postcard posted in 1888 has just been delivered to _The Leeds Mercury_,
and they ask if this is a record. Not a permanent one, if the Post Office
can help it.

* * *

A young lady told the Stratford magistrates that she gave up her young man
because he said he was a millionaire, and she had later learned that he was
a waiter. But there is nothing contradictory in this.

* * *

The ex-CROWN-PRINCE has written in the _Taegliche Rundschau_ on "How I Lost
the War." He pays a fine tribute to the British soldier, who, it appears,
helped him to lose it.

* * *

"How to Manage Twopenny Eggs" is the headline of a morning paper. A good
plan is to grip them firmly round the neck and wring it.

* * *

An article in _Tit-Bits_ tells readers how to make canaries pay. We have
felt for some time that there must be a better method than that of suing
the birds in the County Court.

* * *

"Useful wedding-presents are now the vogue," says a weekly journal. Only
last week we heard of a Scotsman who at a recent wedding gave the bride
away.

* * *

"The Jolly Bachelors" is the title of a new club at Nottingham. No attempt
has yet been made to start a Jolly Husbands' Club.

* * *

It is gratifying to learn that the workman who last week fell from some
scaffolding in Oxford Street, but managed to grasp a rope and hang on to it
till rescued fifteen minutes later, has now been elected an honorary member
of the Underground Travellers' Association.

* * *

A reader living in Hertfordshire writes to say that spring-like weather is
prevailing and that a pair of bricklayers who started building about three
weeks ago can now be seen daily sitting on three bricks which they laid
last week.

* * *

With such energy are the inhabit