a stable which always runs its
trials at one o'clock in the morning, with nobody but Mr. JEREMY to look
on? No doubt we shall hear all about it in the columns which Mr. J.
devotes to the edification of dough-faced, gruel-brained noodles who
accept him as their prophet.

_Catawampus_ ran well last week. With two stone less and a Calyx-eyed
saddle-bar, he would have shown up even better. Whenever the barometer
goes up two points _Catawampus_ must be remembered. He was foaled in a
ditch on the old North Road, somewhere between London and York, and
having remained there or thereabouts for a month, may be considered a
good stayer.

* * * * *

THE EMPIRE IN THE TIME OF SEVERUS.--Wonderful Juggler at the Empire,
with a name that's not to be trifled with, SEVERUS. Some nights he may
be better than on others, but you'll be delighted if you just catch him
in the Juggler vein.

* * * * *

The Over-rated Rate-payers who fear the rising of the Rates more than
almost any other rising, express a hope that the L. C. C. will be
economical, and that FARRER may be "Nearer."

* * * * *

[Illustration: UNCERTAINTIES OF ARITHMETIC.

_Schoolmaster._ "YES; BUT LOOK HERE, MY BOY. SUPPOSE I WERE TO LEND YOUR
FATHER _FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS_, LET US SAY,--WITHOUT INTEREST,--BUT ON
CONDITION THAT HE SHOULD PAY ME TEN POUNDS A WEEK. HOW MUCH WOULD HE
STILL OWE ME IN TWO MONTHS?"

_New Boy._ "FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS, SIR!"

_Schoolmaster._ "TUT! TUT! MY BOY, YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST PRINCIPLES
OF ARITHMETIC!"

_New Boy._ "_YOU_ DON'T KNOW _MY FATHER_, SIR!"]

* * * * *

PRIMROSE'S PEEP-SHOW.

(_Vide Lord Rosebery's resume of the year's work of the London County
Council._)

MASTER BULL _loquitur_:--

Humph! Show is very passable, no doubt;
And as you pull the strings, my clever Showman,
'Tis clear that _you_ know what you are about,
Sense's sworn friend, and babbling folly's foeman.
The slides, as worked by you, seem mighty fine,
A trifle vague, perhaps, in composition,
Sloppy in colouring, and weak in line,
As is the civic peep-show's old tradition;
Still there is graphic vigour here and there,
Perspective, and a general sense of "movement."
On the old "Shirker" Show, 'tis only fair
To own, it evidences some improvement.
Plenty of slides! there is no doubt of _that_;