chance of toping ale,
The Witler tells his pals the saddest tale.
Bacchus for his true friend mistaketh me,
Then step I from his side, down topples he,
And "Traitor!" cries, and swears I did but chaff,
And the Teetotallers hold their sides and laugh,
And chortle in their joy, and shout, and swear
That GRANDOLPH GOODFELLOW's a spirit rare.
But room, old boy, the Second Reading's on.

_Bung._ He is a trickster:--Would that he were gone!

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.

SOCIAL.

"_Dear me, how surprisingly your voice has strengthened since I last
heard you sing_;" _i.e._, "Roars like a town-bull, and fancies himself a
LABLACHE!"

"_I saw quite a ring round your picture at the Academy to-day_;" _i.e._,
"If only he had heard them laugh!"

"_Won't you stop and have some lunch?_" _i.e._, "Couldn't help asking
him, as the confounded luncheon-bell rang a peal; but if he has any
manners or consideration he'll say, 'No, thank you,' and go."

"_I know your face so well--but I am such a bad hand at names_;" _i.e._,
"Never saw him before in my life!"

"_Pray allow me to get it_;" _i.e._, "Catch me moving!"

"_You know you can trust me implicitly_;" _i.e.,_ "May be a good story
to tell."

"_He has such wonderful wit_;" _i.e._, "An unfailing flow of rudeness
which he calls repartee."

"_Rather satirical, yes: but she has marvellous insight into
character_;" _i.e._, "She has been complimenting _me_."

PLATFORMULARS.

"_These, then, are the arguments_;" _i.e._, "They're all yawning--must
end somehow."

"_A crushing reply_;" _i.e._, a retort discourteous, in which all the
points of the attack are adroitly evaded.

"_After the magnificent oration to which we have just listened with so
much delight, I feel that anything that I can say must be in the nature
of an anti-climax_;" _i.e._, "Confound him! Why will he take all the
'fat' to himself, and cut the ground from under a fellow's feet?"

"_I have the greatest possible pleasure in presiding over this
magnificent assembly on this memorable occasion_;" _i.e._, "Place is
like a malodorous oven, and I wish to goodness it were all over."

PARLIAMENTARY.

"_I appeal to that consideration which the House always extends to a new
Member, &c._;" _i.e._, "Mean to make them sit up a bit, but _must_ come
the conventional modest."

"_The Honourable and Gallant Gentleman has fulfilled his task with all
the abil