ty, and risky, goodness knows.
Meanwhile, _don't_ sway the boat like that, into the sea you'll fall;
Or, what's more likely, just capsize the craft and drown us all!

* * *

[Illustration: L'ENFANT TERRIBLE!

CHORUS IN THE STERN. "DON'T GO ON LIKE THAT--OR YOU'LL UPSET US ALL!!"]

* * * * *

THE ROYAL ACADEMY BANQUET.

Exceptionally good in food for body and mind. "First person present in
indicative mood" is Sir FREDERICK, the courteous President, pointing out
to Royal Highnesses the beauties of Burlington House. Stars, ribands,
and garters everywhere. Exceptionally distinguished personages come in
with invitations only, and no orders. Pretty to see Cardinal MANNING's
bright scarlet scull-cap, quite eclipsing RUSTEM PASHA's fez. Cardinal
distinctly observed to smile during MARKISS's humorous observations.
"MARKISS is ready," sounds like twin phrase to "Barkis is willin'."
H.R.H.'s speech shorter than ever. Wonderful, too, how eloquent Sir
FREDERICK contrives to spread fresh butter on dry old toasts, so that
everyone relishes them as choice morsels. All speeches shorter, except
Admiralty Lord's, who, being among portrait-painters, goes in for
figures. But where is--"Mr. STANLEY, I presume?" Not here. Invited, but
perhaps exploring neighbourhood, and unable to discover Burlington
House. Altogether an exceptionally brilliant evening.

* * * * *

[Illustration: AT A HORSE FAIR.

Dealer. "NOW, GUV'NOR, SAY YOU'LL 'AVE 'IM FOR THIRTY-FIVE BOB. YOU
CAN'T GET A GOOD SOUND YOUNG 'OSS LIKE 'IM FOR LESS!"]

* * * * *

TO THE NEW SCRIBE AND POET.

AIR--"_O Ruddier than the Cherry!_"

O RUDYARD, in this sherry,
I drink your very, very
Good health. I would
That write I could
Like KIPLING, sad or merry.

(_Signed)_ INVIDIUS NASO.

* * * * *

THE NELL OF CHELSEA.

(_A Legend of the Opening of the Royal Military Exhibition._)

The Lady got out of her picture in the Morning Room, and glanced at
herself in the Club glass. She had been painted by Sir PETER LELY, and
consequently was scarcely in a costume suitable to a May Day at the
close of the Nineteenth Century.

"I' faith," said the Lady, "but I must get me a cloak to cover me,
otherwise I shall have a crowd a following me."

It will be seen from this observation that, although the Lady had
flouris