* * * *

ODDS ON THE BEDMAKERS.

[A proposal for the abolition of Bedmakers is being discussed in
Cambridge.]

_Chorus of Undergraduates:--_

There are things we could spare; we could watch without weeping
A Tutor's extinction, a Dean's disappearance.
And Professors who drone while their pupils are sleeping,
Though they went at a loss, we should welcome the clearance.

And Proctors who blandly demand six-and-eightpence,
And, while toiling themselves, send all petticoats spinning;
And Porters who tick off our names for our gate-pence;
And Bull-dogs who help to withhold us from sinning.

And the juvenile Don who thinks "Dons should be firmer,"
And the elderly Don who is painfully nervous--
We could see them depart without even a murmur,
So our Bedmakers stay to amuse and to serve us.

We have watched, while we trembled, the pomps and the maces,
Stern emblems of rule, with the Esquire Bedell come;
We have heard of the Senate, its edicts and graces,--
Take the lot, if you like, you may have them and welcome.

But the "Bedder"? No, no. Come, we offer a wager:
We will bet she survives who of beds is the maker!
Any answer? Not one; for, in spite of her age, her
Attractions are such that there isn't a taker.

* * * * *

MEASURES AND MEN.--M. JACQUES BERTILLON has been lecturing before the
Anthropological Society--(the only Society where _anthropoi_ are
logical)--on his method of "identifying criminals by comparing their
measures with those of convicted prisoners on the prison registers."
Ahem! How about novel Home Rule Measures compared with those of past
Kilmainhamites?

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE QUEEN'S SERVICE.

"I SEE YOUR SERVANTS WEAR COCKADES NOW, MISS SHODDSON."

"YES. PA'S JUST BECOME A MEMBER OF THE ARMY AND NAVY STORES."]

* * * * *

L'ENFANT TERRIBLE!

_Chorus of Passengers, expostulating:--_

Stop, WILLIAM, stop! Your game is not a game _we_ can enjoy!
Your father's son should not thus play the Little Vulgar Boy!
This is not Margate, WILLIAM mine, and ours is not a crew
Of ordinary trippers, packed aboard the _Lively Loo_
For a shillingsworth of suffering on a wild and wobbling sea.
Stop, WILLIAM! You'll upset the boat! Why can't you let it be?

Our boat has braved a many storms. It's old and