UR COLOUR IS
FAIRLY DECENT, AND YOU HAVE NICISH FEELING FOR LIGHT AND SHADE, AND
_CHIAROSCURO_. BUT WHERE YOB ALWAYS FAIL TO PLEASE, SOMEHOW, IS IN
YOUR _EXECUTION_!"

_Our Artist_. "MY _EXECUTION_? AH! JUST SO. I'VE NO DOUBT THAT
_YOURS_, NOW WOULD BE MORE GENERALLY POPULAR!"]

* * * * *

FROM PARLIAMENTARY EXAMINATION PAPER.

_Question_.--Explain the term "Standing Orders."

_Answer_ 1.--It means that when a visitor to the House has an order
for the Speaker's Gallery, and can't find a seat, he then becomes one
of the Standing Orders.--SISTE VIATOR.

_Answer_ 2.--When a friendly M.P. sees three of us waiting for him,
takes us to the bar of the House, and orders drinks all round, which
we take standing.--BIBENDUM EST.

* * * * *

INDIA FOR THE IRISH!--"An amended estimate of the present Paddy Crop
has been published by the Local Government." (_Vide Times_ for Feb.
15.) What more can the most thorough Home-Rulers want, if they would
only be content to make their home in Burmah instead of Ireland?
"Local Government" can soon be developed, for 'tis but Home Rule in
the bud, and the "Paddy Crop" is already there.

* * * * *

MOTTO FOR THE NEW RECORDER OF THE CITY OF LONDON.--"HALL There!"

* * * * *

"COMBINING AMUSEMENT WITH INSTRUCTION."

(_A SKETCH AT THE COLLECTION OF INSTRUMENTS OF TORTURE._)

SCENE--_The Maddox Street Galleries. A large and appropriately
lighted room. Upon walls of a sombre crimson, various
Implements of Torture are arranged with considerable taste,
and an eye for decorative effect, the central space being
reserved for more elaborate contrivances in wood and iron.
Visitors discovered inspecting the Exhibition by the aid of
the excellent Catalogues, with the subdued appreciation of
persons conscious that they are spending a very pleasant and
profitable afternoon._

_Mr. Charnelhouse Goole_ (_as he enters, to Mrs. C.G._). Now, my dear,
the first thing I want to see is that Iron Maiden there's so much talk
about. I wonder whereabouts it is!

_Mrs. C.G._ I think _that_ must be it, up at the other end of the
room. But don't you _think_, dear, it would be nicer to see the
_other_ things first, and keep that for the _last_?

_Mr. C.G._ (_struck by the refinement of this suggestion_). Well,
upon, my word, AMINA, I almost think it