e _Schoene
Brunnen_--and the view from the _Burg_--that makes the half-dozen.
They will be joys for _ever_, JOHN! And _only_ three shillings each!
Will you pay the boy for them, JOHN, please--it's just eighteen
shillings.

_John_. Can't, my dear. Only half-a-crown in my pocket. Don't you
remember, I lent you my last sov. not five minutes ago?

_Mrs. B._ Oh, so you did. Well, on second thoughts, perhaps this
size is rather--I think I'll take five of the sixpenny ones
instead--they're every bit as good. You can spare me that half-crown,
JOHN!

_A Patriot_ (_coming out_). Well, it's just the same 'ere as
everywhere else. All the things "made in Germany"! Sickenin' _I_ call
it!

* * * * *

[Illustration: A MEETING OF THE "BANDY" ASSOCIATION

FOR THE PROMOTION OF "HOCKEY ON THE ICE."]

* * * * *

RICE AND PRUNES.

[Illustration]

Rice and prunes a household journal
Called the chief of household boons:
Hence my mother cooks diurnal
Rice and prunes.

Therefore on successive noons,
Sombre fruit and snowy kernel
Woo reluctant forks and spoons.

As the ear, when leaves are vernal,
Wearies of the blackbird's tunes,
So we weary of eternal
Rice and prunes.

* * * * *

AN OLD FRIEND AT THE CRITERION.--Time flies, and _Fourteen Days_,
occupying only a couple of hours or so at the Criterion, goes
wonderfully. CHARLES WYNDHAM is the life and soul of the piece, and
the giddy GIDDENS is another life and soul. Miss MARY MOORE, charming
as ever, with a clearness of "dictation," as Mrs. MALAPROP would
say, that is in itself a delight to the ear. Every word she speaks is
distinct, and, which is more to the purpose, every telling word tells.
_Fourteen Days_ is a survival and revival of one of H.J. BYRON's
fittest. If it "catches on" once more, as it ought to do, it might run
fourteen weeks, and then,--"Next please!"

* * * * *

[Illustration: Q.E.D.

"_MAY_ I ASK YOU HOW YOU MANAGE TO KEEP YOUR LITTLE PET SO SLEEK AND
THIN?"

"I DON'T KNOW. IT HAS ITS LUNCH AND DINNER WITH ME EVERY DAY."

"WELL, SO DOES MINE!"]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Commons, Monday, February 15._--A lively sitting, with an
unexpected ending. Debate on Address resumed by SEXTON in excellent
sp