en; at my
age I need a quiet, steady life--but is that possible in our situation?
My Angel, I have just heard that the post goes every day, and I must
therefore stop, so that you may receive the letter without delay. Be
calm--only by calm consideration of our existence can we attain our aim
to live together; be calm--love me--today--yesterday--what tearful
longing after thee--thee--thee--my life--my all--farewell! Oh, continue
to love me--never, never misjudge the faithful heart

Of Thy Beloved

L.

Ever thine, ever thine, ever each other's.

NO. 55

TO HIS BROTHERS CARL AND ---- BEETHOVEN

O ye men who regard or declare me to be malignant, stubborn, or cynical,
how unjust are ye towards me! You do not know the secret cause of my
seeming so. From childhood onward, my heart and mind prompted me to be
kind and tender, and I was ever inclined to accomplish great deeds. But
only think that, during the last six years, I have been in a wretched
condition, rendered worse by unintelligent physicians, deceived from
year to year with hopes of improvement, and then finally forced to the
prospect of _lasting infirmity_ (which may last for years, or even be
totally incurable). Born with a fiery, active temperament, even
susceptive of the diversions of society, I had soon to retire from the
world, to live a solitary life. At times, even, I endeavored to forget
all this, but how harshly was I driven back by the redoubled experience
of my bad hearing! Yet it was not possible for me to say to men: Speak
louder, shout, for I am deaf. Alas! how could I declare the weakness of
a _sense_ which in me _ought_ to be more acute than in others--a sense
which _formerly_ I possessed in highest perfection, a perfection such as
few in my profession enjoy or ever have enjoyed; no, I cannot do it.
Forgive, therefore, if you see me withdraw, when I would willingly mix
with you. My misfortune pains me doubly in that I am certain to be
misunderstood. For me there can be no recreation in the society of my
fellow creatures, no refined conversations, no interchange of thought.
Almost alone, and mixing in society only when absolutely necessary, I am
compelled to live as an exile. If I approach near to people, a feeling
of hot anxiety comes over me lest my condition should be noticed--for so
it was during these past six months which I spent in the country.
Ordered by my intelligent physician to spare my hearing as much as
possible, he almost fel