Just as I rushed back again to the far side the near side became the
nearer side to catch the car, and when I rushed over again from the far
side to the near side the nearer I got to the near side the clearer I
could see that while the far side was far away it was nearer than the
near side, which was always on the far side when I hoped to take a car
on the near side.

Then I began to grit my teeth and made up my mind to anticipate the
action of the next car by standing half way between the near side and
the far side, so that I could run to either side the emergency called
for.

I was standing there about a minute much pleased with the idea, because
the near side was now about as far away as the far side, when just then
an automobile sneaked up behind me and one of the forward turrets
struck me on my own personal far side and hoisted me over to the near
side just as a car left for the far side.

I reached out my hand to grasp the far side of the step, but I missed
it and caught the near side, and by this time the car was on the far
side and the motorman grabbed the near side of the electric controller
and pushed it over to the far side, whereupon the car started for El
Paso, Texas, at a speed of about 3,000 miles a minute, and there I was
with the near side of four fingers holding on to the far side of the
step and the rest of my body sticking straight out in space like a pair
of trousers on a clothes-line in a gale of wind.

Then suddenly the near side of my fingers refused to hold on to the far
side of the step, and with the near side of my face I struck the far
side of the tracks, and the near side of my brain saw every individual
star on the far side of the universe.

Then I went back to the hotel and crawled into the far side of the bed
while my wife sent for a near side doctor who lived on the far side of
the block.

* * * * * *

That will be about all for Uncle Peter.

CHAPTER VI

JOHN HENRY ON SOCIAL AFFAIRS

Last year Bunch and Alice spent several weeks doing the society stunt
at the fashionable seaside resorts.

I must put you next to a letter Bunch wrote me from Newport:

Dear John:

With a party of our society friends we have been Newporting all this
week.

Next week I hope to Bar Harbor for a few days, and the week after that
I hope to Narragansett for a short period.

In the party with us here are Clarence Fussyface, Llewellyn Shortbrow,
Harry