sigh of exhaustion, "I don't
think!"

"Peter," I said to myself, "no matter what your motives may be the
other fellow will always believe you are trying to get the best of it.
If you move over and give the end seat to another gentleman he will
consider it only what is his right. If you don't move over he will
think you are a Hog for keeping that which is as much yours as his."

I began to grow confidential with myself.

"Civilization is a fine idea, but Human Nature can give it cards and
spades and then beat it out!" I told myself. "The Human Hog was
invented long before the open-face street car began to stop for him,
and there isn't anybody living who should stop to throw stones at him,
because selfishness is like the measles, it breaks out in unexpected
places. All of us may not be Hogs, but there is a moment in the life
of every man when he gets near enough to it to be called a Ham
Sandwich."

Just then the Disinfecti Brothers, Microbeini and Germicide, walked
over me backward and I had a short but exciting visit to the slums.

Since that eventful day I have moved over 36 times, and out of the 36
people I gave the end seat to all but three of them belonged to the
Mucilage Family, and stayed there.

Thereafter I made myself a severe promise not to worry any more about
my Hog qualifications when movable or immovable on an open-face car.

I will do as my conscience dictates and walk downtown as much as
possible.

And speaking of street cars, John, Uncle Peter resumed after a long
pause, I was in one of those cities recently where some of the cars
stop on the near side of some of the streets and some stop on the far
side of some of the streets.

Honestly, John, they had me up in the air.

I left the hotel to attend to some business downtown and went over on
the near side of the street to wait for a car.

When the car came along I held my thumb out in the atmosphere
warningly, but the motorman kept on to the far side and stopped.

By the time I ran over to the far side he was gone again and another
car had stopped at the near side.

When I rushed back to the near side the car passed me going to the far
side, and now the near side looked so much like the far side that I
went back to the other side, which should have been the near side, but
how could it be the near side when the car was on the far side and I
could not get near the near side in time to catch the car before it was
far away on the far side?