members of the Corporation are invited to the
suspicious event."--_Local Paper_.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE DISTRACTIONS OF AN INDISPENSABLE.]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Sergeant_. "Now, ME LAD, A SUIT OF MUFTI OR FORTY-FIVE
SHILLINGS?" _Tommy_. "OO, LUMME! I'LL PAY THE FINE."]

* * * * *

GALLERY PLAY.

It wasn't till Panmore noticed its absence on his return from France
that I remembered the little oil painting which I had left at the
Ferndale Gallery on sale or return, during the early days of the War,
when my financial outlook was bad.

Panmore said he had always wanted to buy it, but hadn't liked to ask
me if I would part with it. I assured him that excess even of delicacy
was a mistake and that I would try to get the picture back.

So I wrote to the Gallery thus:--

DEAR SIRS (it seemed absurd to write "Dear Gallery"),--In 1914 or
1915 I brought you a small oil painting, which you agreed to sell
or return to me. As I haven't heard from you since, I conclude
that there has been nothing doing in such pictures and I should
like to have it back. The picture is quite a small one, about the
size of an ordinary book, and so far as I recollect it portrays
a man looking at a horse, to see if its withers stand where they
did; or perhaps wondering whether he would sell it and buy a
scooter. As a matter of fact I never took particular notice of the
picture, not caring for it, but a friend of mine who knows it well
appears interested in it and wants to buy it. So please let me
have it back as soon as possible.

Yours faithfully,

THEOPHILUS B. PIPER-CARY.

P.S.--By the way, there's a cow, I remember, in the background; a
red one. Not a red background; a red cow.

This was the answer I received:--

DEAR SIR,--In reply to yours of the 13th inst., we remember your
visit, but cannot trace having such a picture as you describe in
our possession at present. We believe you dealt with our Mr. James
Langford, who joined up in May, 1915, and is not yet demobilised.
He is in Egypt at the moment, we understand, and we are afraid it
would take some time to get into communication with him.

We shall be glad if under the circumstances you will allow the
matter to rest until his return.

In any case we are afraid we cann