p their aitches, cooks
short-tempered, red and fat, and office-boys knowing and cheeky. The
public expected it, and the public ought to have it because the public
paid.

There being no further remarks, the meeting dispersed, the various
speakers returning sadly home to perform the household duties.

* * * * *

"EX-KAISER TO PAP THE PENALTY."

_Sunday Paper_.

We always feared he would get off with a soft punishment.

* * * * *

[Illustration:_Docker_ (_by way of concluding a heated argument with
Scotsman_). "WELL, GO UP THERE, THEN, AN' TALK TO YOUR BLINKIN'
SCOTCH PALS."]

* * * * *

OUR POPULAR GUIDES.

"HOW INFLUENZA MAY BE SPREAD."

_Headline in a Daily Paper_.

* * * * *

A correspondent writes: "It may interest you to know that I recently
received the following statement from a provincial branch of a
floor-cloth company:--

'Owing to some of the principal ingredients used in the
manufacture of floor coverings having been taken over by the
Ministry of Food, the price of the material is again advanced.'

Have you noticed it at all in your soup?"

* * * * *

THE HOUSE-HUNTER

Unless something is done for Higgins without delay the nation must
prepare to face a tremendous rise in the rate of mortality among
house-agents.

Soon after he came back from the War he began to adopt a threatening
attitude (as the police-court witnesses say) towards these gentlemen.
Recently he has gone beyond the threatening stage. If rumour can be
trusted, he has thrown at least six of them through their office
windows. He has taken a dislike to the whole tribe. They are, in his
opinion, a gang of criminals for whom no punishment could be too
severe, because they impose upon the public in general and Higgins in
particular, by continuing in business as if they were in a position to
let houses when, as a matter of fact, there are no houses for them to
let.

Higgins wants a house. Yes, incredible though it may sound, this man,
who for years has been content to dwell in a dug-out or consort with
creeping things in the confines of a canvas tent, and even on occasion
make his bed beneath the starry dome of heaven, with nothing in
between, has now developed a craving for a residence built of bricks
and mortar.

What is more, he expects th