er unmarried women do,
I suppose." "Frigged yourself." She gave a nod and said, "And not often
that." I thought of what Charlotte had told me, but held my tongue.

I tried to get at her at intervals, but it was no use. "It's caprice,"
said I with my prick out, "you let me when I wanted it three weeks ago,
why not now?" "I can't,--I dare not,--it might be certain ruin now."
"What does a fellow care about ruin, when his hand is outside a cunt,
and his prick is like an iron rod?" Twice as strong as me, she could
at all times have escaped me, unless sexual desire was strong on her;
desire gives a man force, but it takes away a woman's force. She rose
up, nor would she continue talking, until I had buttoned up my prick and
promised not to touch her; that done, she said, "Would you wish to ruin
me? You might if I let you, I have been very ill as you know, was in the
family way, my monthlies stopped, and I have brought them on. When I was
in trouble that way, I let you do what you like, now I am going home,
what would become of me if I were in the family way then?" This explained
all.

I had never given her a present, I never gave Charlotte one; having then
so little money. I never thought about it. I had now more, and offered
to give her some if she wanted any. She showed me a saving-bank's book.
She had got nearly fifty pounds. I bought a pair of gold earrings for
her, it was the first present I had even given a woman, and she was much
pleased. I had I think some vague notion, that it would induce her to
let me have her; but if so, I was deceived.

Mother seemed to be keeping at home to baulk me. My chemicals had
been taken back into the garden parlour. I knew she wanted to go to my
aunt's; but one morning it was too hot, then it rained, and so on. How I
restrained myself from frigging I don't know, for I used to walk up and
down my bed-room with my prick out stiff, and looking at it; at length a
chance came--my last.

Mother went to aunt's, the ugly housemaid said, "As Master Tom wont be
at home, do you mind my going out for a couple of hours?" "No," said my
mother, "when the cook is ready." "Please will you tell the cook Mamm,"
said she, "or she wont let me go." I had then a tutor in mathematics who
came on that day, but promised to fetch mother home. I had many times
broken my promises to do so, to enable me to get at Mary. Mother said,
"I hope you mean what you say, you are getting a man, and should never
break your