ents I shall have a
home." The day before she went she said, "Goodbye, God bless you, you
are a good fellow," but you will play mischief with many a poor girl
here before you have done. "I like you very much, and shall always think
of you." I never heard of her after, and with her, passed from me the
woman who is still in my recollection as one of the most beautiful, and
perfect in form; as one who gave me the greatest sexual pleasure,--but I
was of course very young and inexperienced.

My mother remarked that she was the most trustworthy servant she ever
had; but that there was a mystery about her. Her boxes were labelled
for a place that the coach would not take her to, and her boxes were not
like a servant's. "I think she has been crossed in love and ran away,"
said mother. Said I, "Perhaps she had gone off with a bobby," it was a
current joke then, policemen not having been long invented. My mother
said in her severe way, "She is a virtuous woman, a youth like you
should not utter ignorant jokes about women, especially about the
humbler classes, to whom good reputation is everything." I began to see
plainer than ever, that I could humbug mother after that.

Many of our conversations are told here in her very words, others as
nearly as I can recollect them. I have often wondered at the way this
woman behaved to me, talked to me, and all about her. The circumstances
as they occurred, even at the time seemed peculiar; I felt as if I was
wicked in getting into her, almost as if I was going to poke my mother;
but I cannot attempt to analyze motives or sensations, I simply narrate
facts. Certain it is, that I never have had a woman who in behaviour
resembled Mary, in manner, conversation, and general behaviour,--I
always felt as if she were a superior person to me, as if she were
obliging me and not herself, and was putting me under an obligation, by
letting me fuck her.

Again lonely, I not only wanted cunt, but also the society of a
woman, it was so sweet to see and talk, to some one I fucked; to do so
secretly, was an additional charm, and I used to feel quite sad. I was
then about in my eighteenth year.

CHAPTER VII.

At the Manor house.--Fred's amours.--Sarah and Mary.--What
drink and money does.--My second virgin.--My first whore.--
Double fucking.--Gamahucking.--Minette.--A belly up and
down.

One aunt as said lived in H...shire, a widow; her son, my cousin Fred,
was preparing for