e Rule Bill. Ominous sign when Royds of Sleaford,
ordinarily mildest-mannered of men, rushed between Front Opposition
Bench and Table and shook a minatory forefinger at Asquith.

Premier only smiled. Happily his indifferent good humour prevailed on
his own side. There was interchange of acrid compliments as parties
joined each other on the way out. But nothing more happened, except that
Hasleton and another Irish Nationalist, passing empty chair of
Sergeant-at-Arms, lit, the one a pipe, the other a cigarette.

"Shocking!" cried an outraged Member of the old school.

"Not at all," said Sark. "When the House of Commons is enlivened by
pot-house manners there is surely no harm in two customers lighting up
as they pass out."

_Business._--Outbreak of disorder, Speaker suspends sitting.

* * * * *

BUYING A PIANO.

I had often thought I should like to possess a really good piano--not
one of those dumpy vertical instruments, but a big flat one with a long
tail. For a long time I hesitated between a Rolls Royce, a Yost, a Veuve
Cliquot, and a Thurston. At last I put the problem to a musical friend.
He said:

"It's a piano you want, not a motor-typewriting-champagne-table? Very
good, then. You go to Steinbech's in Wigram Street. They'll fix you up.
Mention my name if you like."

"What'll happen to me if I do?"

"They'll sell you a piano. That's what you want, isn't it?"

So I went. I told the man at Steinbech's that I believed they sold
pianos. He said that my belief was not without foundation, but that, in
any case, they would be prepared to stretch a point in my favour and
sell me one. What sort did I require?

"A big flat one with a long tail," I replied.

"Ah, you want a full concert-grand? Then kindly step into our show-room,
Sir. Now, this one," he said, indicating a handsome brunette, "is a
magnificent piano. Best workmanship and superior materials employed
throughout. Splendid tone and light touch. Price, one hundred guineas.
Examine it; try it for yourself, Sir." And he opened the keyboard as he
spoke.

"Er--what order are the notes arranged in?" I asked.

"In strict alphabetical order," he answered. "A, B, C, and so on."

"You must excuse my asking the question," I went on, "but the fact is
I've never seen a Steinbech before. I thought perhaps that different
makers adopted different arrangements of the notes, as makers of
typewriters do. Now, will this piano play Beet