ed Saloon, with the usual
fittings. As the Scene opens, its only occupants are a
Loquacious Assistant and a Customer with a more than
ordinarily sympathetic manner._

[Illustration: "You _'ave_ been losin' your 'air!"]

_The Loquacious Assistant_. No, Sir, we're free to go the minute the
clock strikes. We've no clearing up or anythink of _that_ sort to do,
not bein' required to pufform any duties of a _menial_ nature, Sir.
'Ed a little more to the left, Sir.... Sundays I gen'ally go up the
river. I'm a Member of a Piskytorial Association. I don't do any
fishin', to mention, but I jest carry a rod in my 'and. Railway
Comp'ny takes anglers at reduced fares, you see, Sir.... No, Sir,
don't stay 'ere _all_ day long. Sometimes the Guv'nor sends me out
to wait on parties at their own residences. Pleasant change, Sir?
Ah, you're right there, Sir! There's one lady as lives in Prague
Villas, Sir. I've been to do _her_ 'air many a time. (_He sighs
sentimentally._) I _did_ like waitin' on _'er_, Sir. Sech a beautiful
woman she is, too,--with 'er face so white, ah! 'AWKINS her name is,
and her 'usban' a stockbroker. She was an actress once, Sir, but she
give that up when she married. Told me she'd 'ad to work 'ard all her
life to support her Ma, and she _did_ think after she was married she
was goin' to enjoy herself--but she _'adn't_! Ah, she _was_ a nice
lady, Sir; she'd got her 'air in sech a tangle it took me three weeks
to get it right! I showed her three noo ways of doin' up her 'air,
and she says to me, "What a clever young man you are!" Her very words,
Sir! Trim the ends of your moustache, Sir? Thankee, Sir. Yes, she was
a charmin' woman. She 'ad three parrots in the room with 'er, swearin'
orful. I enjoyed goin there, Sir; yes, Sir. Ain't been for ever sech
a while now, Sir. I _did_ think of callin' again and pertendin' I'd
forgot a comb, Sir, but I done that once, and I'm afraid it wouldn't
do twice, _would_ it, Sir? Sixteen her number is--a sweet number,
Sir! Limewash or brilliantine, Sir?... And I know 'er maid and her
man, too; oh, she keeps a grand 'ouse, Sir! (_Observing that the_
Sympathetic Customer _is gradually growing red in the face and getting
hysterical._) Towel too tight for you, Sir? Allow me; thank you, Sir.
(_Here two fresh_ Customers _enter._) Ready for you in one moment,
Gentlemen. The other Assistant is downstairs 'aving his tea, but he'll
be up directly

[_The two fresh Customers w