n tops, or even an errand-boy in patent leather leggings,
fascinated me, and to this day, despite reason and everything
else. The sight of such things produced an erection. An emission
I could always produce by tightly tying my legs together, but
only when wearing boots, and preferably leggings, which when I
had pocket money I bought for this purpose. (At the present
moment I have five pairs in the house and two pairs of high
boots, quite unjustified by ordinary use.) This habit I lapse
into yet at times. The smell of leather affects me, but I never
know how far this may be due to association with boots; the smell
suggests the image. Restraint by a leather strap is more exciting
than by cords. Erotic dreams always take the form of restraint on
the limbs when booted.

"Uniforms and liveries have a great temptation for me, but only
when of a tight-fitting nature and smart, as soldiers', grooms',
etc., but not sailors'; most powerfully when the person is in
boots or leggings and breeches.

"I was a quiet, sensitive boy, taking no part in games or sports.
Have always been indifferent to them. I made few friends, but
didn't want them. The craving for friendship came much later,
after I was 21. I was a day boy at a private school, and never
had any conversation with any boy on sexual matters, though I was
dimly aware of much 'nastiness' about the school. I knew nothing
of sodomy. But all these things were repulsive to me,
notwithstanding my secret practices. I was a 'good boy.'

"Up to the age of 21 I was perfectly satisfied with my own
society, something of a prig, fond of books and reading, etc. I
was and ever have been absolutely insensible to the influence of
the other sex. I am not a woman hater, and take intellectual
pleasure in the society of certain ladies, but they are nearly
all much older than myself. I have a strong repulsion from sexual
relations with women. I should not mind being married for the
sake of companionship and for the sake of having boys of my own.
But the sexual act would frighten me. I could not in my present
frame of mind go to bed with a woman. Yet I feel an immense envy
of my married friends in that they are able to give out, and find
satisfaction for, their affection in a way that is quite
impossible for me. I picture certain boys in the place of