on in my
mind but that they made my trouble worse. They did not know how
terribly they were punishing me. They saw in my affliction only fun,
while I saw in it--only misery.
CHAPTER II
MY FIRST ATTEMPT TO BE CURED
I can remember very clearly the positive fear which always accompanied
a visit to our friends or neighbors, or the advent of visitors at my
home. Many a time I did not have what I desired to eat because I was
afraid to ask for it. When I did ask, every eye was turned on me, and
the looks of the strangers, with now and then a half-suppressed smile,
worked me up to a nervous state that was almost hysterical, causing me
to stutter worse than at any other time.
At one time--I do not remember what the occasion was--a number of
people had come to visit us. A large table had been set and loaded with
good things. We sat down, the many dishes were passed around the table,
as was the custom at our home, and I said not a word. But before long
the first helping was gone--a hungry boy soon cleans his plate--and I
was about to ask for more when I bethought myself. "Please pass--" I
could never do it--"p" was one of the hard sounds for me. "Please
pass--" No, I couldn't do it. So busying myself with the things that
were near at hand and helping myself to those things which came my way,
I made out the meal--but I got up from the table hungry and with a
deeper consciousness of the awfulness of my affliction. Slowly it began
to dawn on me that as long as I stammered I was doomed to do without
much of the world's goods. I began to see that although I might for a
time sit at the World's Table of Good Things in Life I could hope to
have little save that which someone passed on to me gratuitously.
As long as I was at home with my parents, life went along fairly well.
They understood my difficulty, they sympathized with me, and they
looked at my trouble in the same light as myself--as an affliction much
to be regretted. At home I was not required to do anything which would
embarrass me or cause me to become highly excited because of my
straining to talk, but on the other hand I was permitted to do things
which I could do well, without talking to any one.
The time was coming, however, when it would be "Sink or Swim" for me,
since it would not be many years until a sense of duty, if nothing
else, would send me out to make my own way. This time comes to all
boys. It was soon to be MY task to face the world--to make
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