us have it; for my mistress is not
to be comforted." Upon this, I paused a little without returning any
answer, and after some short silence, I proceeded in the following
manner: "I have considered the nature of the distemper, and the
constitution of the patient, and by the best observation that I can make
on both, I think it is safest to put him into a course of kitchen
physic. In the meantime, to remove his hoarseness, it will be the most
natural way to make Cupid his own druggist; for which reason, I shall
prescribe to him, three mornings successively, as much powder as will
lie on a groat, of that noble remedy which the apothecaries call 'Album
Graecum.'" Upon hearing this advice, the young woman smiled, as if she
knew how ridiculous an errand she had been employed in; and indeed I
found by the sequel of her discourse, that she was an arch baggage, and
of a character that is frequent enough in persons of her employment, who
are so used to conform themselves in everything to the humours and
passions of their mistresses, that they sacrifice superiority of sense
to superiority of condition, and are insensibly betrayed into the
passions and prejudices of those whom they serve, without giving
themselves leave to consider, that they are extravagant and ridiculous.
However I thought it very natural, when her eyes were thus open, to see
her give a new turn to her discourse, and from sympathising with her
mistress in her follies, to fall a-railing at her. "You cannot imagine,"
said she, "Mr. Bickerstaff, what a life she makes us lead for the sake
of this little ugly cur: if he dies, we are the most unhappy family in
town. She chanced to lose a parrot last year, which, to tell you truly,
brought me into her service; for she turned off her woman upon it, who
had lived with her ten years, because she neglected to give him water,
though every one of the family says, she was as innocent of the bird's
death as the babe that is unborn. Nay, she told me this very morning,
that if Cupid should die, she would send the poor innocent wench I was
telling you of, to Bridewell, and have the milkwoman tried for her life
at the Old Bailey, for putting water into his milk. In short, she talks
like any distracted creature."

"Since it is so, young woman," said I, "I will by no means let you
offend her, by staying on this message longer than is absolutely
necessary," and so forced her out.

While I am studying to cure those evils and distress