a was mad and
said for us to let him alone, and he could skate all right, and we let
go and he struck out again. Well, sir, I was ashamed. An old man like Pa
ought to know better than to try to be a boy. This last time Pa said he
was going to spread himself, and if I am any judge of a big spread, he
did spread himself. Somehow the skates had got turned around side-ways
on his feet, and his feet got to going in different directions, and Pa's
feet were getting so far apart that I was afraid I would have two Pa's,
half the size, with one leg apiece.

"I tried to get him to take up a collection of his legs, and get them
both in the same ward but his arms flew around and one hit me on the
nose, and I thought if he wanted to strike the best friend he had, he
could run his old legs hisself. When he began to seperate I could hear
the bones crack, but maybe it was his pants, but anyway he came down on
the floor like one of these fellows in a circus who spreads hissel, and
he kept going and finally he surrounded an iron post with his legs, and
stopped, and looked pale, and the proprietor of the rink told Pa if he
wanted to give a flying trapeze performance he would have to go to the
gymnasium, and he couldn't skate on his shoulders any more, cause other
skaters were afraid of him. Then Pa said he would kick the liver out of
the proprietor of the rink, and he got up and steaded himself, and then
he tried to kick the man, but both heels went up to wonct, and Pa turned
a back summersault and struck right on his vest in front. I guess it
knocked the breath out of him, for he didn't speak for a few minutes,
and then he wanted to go home, and we put him in a street car, and
he laid down on the hay and rode home. O, the work we had to get Pa's
clothes off. He had cricks in his back, and everywhere, and Ma was
away to one of the neighbors, to look at the presents, and I had to
put liniment on Pa, and I made a mistake and got a bottle of furniture
polish, and put it on Pa and rubbed it in, and when Ma came home, Pa
smelled like a coffin at a charity funeral, and Ma said there was no way
of getting that varnish off of Pa till it wore off. Pa says holidays are
a condemned nuisance anyway. He will have to stay in the house all this
week.

"You are pretty rough on the old man," said the grocery man, "after he
has been so kind to you and given you nice presents."

"Nice presents nothin. All I got was a 'come to Jesus' Christmas
card, with b