right if he had a little
Worcester sauce to put on with the ketchup, and when he said Pa would
pull through, Ma looked awful sad. Then Pa opened his eyes and saw the
minister and said that was one of the robbers that jumped on him, and he
wanted to whip the minister, but the doc. held Pa's arms and Ma sat on
his legs, and the minister said he had got some other calls to make, and
he wished Ma a happy new year in the hall, much as fifteen minutes. His
happy new year to Ma is most as long as his prayers. Well, we got Pa to
bed, and when we undressed him we found nine napkins in the bosom of
his vest, that he had picked up at the places where he called. He is all
right this morning, but he says it is the last time he will drink coffee
when he makes New Year's calls."

"Well, then you didn't have much fun yourself on New Years. That's too
bad," said the grocery man, as he looked at the sad eyed youth. "But you
look hard. If you were old enough I should say you had been drunk, your
eyes are so red."

"Didn't have any fun eh? Well, I wish I had as many collars as I had
fun. You see, after Pa got to sleep Ma wanted me and my chum to go
to the houses that Pa had called at and return the napkins he had
Kleptomaniaced, so we dressed up and went. The first house we called at
the girls were sort of demoralized. I don't know as I ever saw a girl
drunk, but those girls acted queer. The callers had stopped coming, and
the girls were drinking something out of shaving cups that looked like
lather, and they said it was 'aignogg.' They laffed and kicked up their
heels wuss nor a circus, and their collars got unpinned, and their faces
was red, and they put their arms around me and my chum and hugged us and
asked us if we didn't want some of the custard. You'd a dide to see
me and my chum drink that lather. It looked just like soap suds with
nutmaig in it, but by gosh it got in its work sudden. At first I was
afraid when the girls hugged me, but after I had drank a couple of
shaving cups full of the 'aignogg' I wasn't afraid no more, and I hugged
a girl so hard she catched her breath and panted and said, 'O, don't.'
Then I kissed her, and she is a great big girl, bigger'n me, but she
didn't care. Say, did you ever kiss a girl full of aignogg? If you did
it would break up your grocery business. You would want to waller in
bliss instead of selling mackerel. My chum ain't no slouch either. He
was sitting in a stuffed chair holding another New